


California Dreaming

by kleighanna



Series: Around the World [1]
Category: Castle
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-09
Updated: 2010-06-09
Packaged: 2017-10-10 00:30:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 25,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/93294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kleighanna/pseuds/kleighanna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castle manages to convince Beckett to come to California with him. Beckett expects a relaxing week, but Castle has other ideas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

"I have to go to California."

NYPD Detective Kate Beckett looked up at her pseudo partner with a perfectly cocked eyebrow. "Um… Okay…"

"Book stuff," Richard Castle explained airily.

"Have a good trip?" Kate replied, her statement really more of a question. She had no idea why he was telling her this, no idea why he was mentioning it to her. Nor, for that matter, why he actually sounded apprehensive about it.

If she was honest, which, these days, she really wasn't while the sun was out and she was in public, she'd actually gotten kind of comfortable with the idea of Castle shadowing her and fuelling ideas for Nikki Heat. It freaked her out sometimes, when she came up in a Page Six article – which, of course, she never read, just heard about – or when someone stopped her on the street to ask, but all in all, she had to admit, she had come to terms with being the muse for an author. In fact, as she _Heat Wave_ and now _Summer Heat_, she discovered that even knowing herself, she was spellbound by the stories Castle was able to weave.

"I want you to come with me."

Her pen dropped, her eyes widening in absolute shock. "You want me to _what_?"

"Come with me," he repeated, and suddenly his apprehension made perfect sense. "To California."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Castle, I'm not going to get on a plane to California to play your Nikki Heat, okay?"

"Well, Detective Beckett, I didn't know you were in to role play," he responded with that little bit of Castle flare.

"Wouldn't you like to know," she shot back, unable to keep in the secretive tilt of her lips.

"Oh, you have _no_ idea." His face sobered quickly. "Who said anything about playing Nikki Heat? I may have to go for my books, but you wouldn't be coming as my arm candy."

Her eyebrow arched elegantly. "Then I don't get it."

He plopped down into his chair. "You need a vacation."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do. You sit here, day in and day out, bodies piling up around you… Even the strongest detectives need some R&amp;R, Detective. And what better place is there than California? Sun, sand, beaches…"

"And rabid fangirls, not to mention the media. I'm not going, Castle."

"Hear me out," he virtually begged, following her as she stood and headed for the breakroom and coffee. "You won't even have to come to anything, should you so choose."

That stopped her. "I don't get it."

"Kate," he began, and she deliberately ignored the warmth her first name evoked. "You need a vacation. Ryan and Esposito know it, Captain Montgomery knows it, heck, Alexis and my mother know it. Since I _have_ to go to California, I figured it would be a good opportunity for you to go somewhere for a while on someone else's dime."

Kate snorted. "First of all, I do not need you to pay for a vacation. Second of all, I do not need a vacation."

Okay, the last part was a lie. She couldn't remember the last time she'd gone home without simply crashing. Things had been busy and when she had free time, she spent it filling out paperwork or something equally as mundane. She actually hadn't even had time to read her own advance copy of _Summer Heat_, even though this time, Castle had made very sure she was the first one with a copy.

"It's not about me paying for your vacation, it's about taking a break, reading a book, relaxing in the sun, going to the spa…"

That sounded stupidly tempting. He was wearing her down and doing a damned good job of it too. He seemed to know exactly which buttons to push, exactly what she was yearning for. She eyed him warily, aware that he could tell he was slowly persuading her that she could take time away from death, murder and mayhem.

"You won't have to come to anything, though you're always invited if you should so choose. You can spend your days on the beach, get a massage, get a tan, and come back refreshed. No media, no fans, no Nikki Heat."

Kate cocked her head to the side. "It sounds like you really want me to come, Castle. If I didn't know better, I'd say you liked me."

"Oh, Detective Beckett," he drawled. "I _do_ like you."

Her lips twitched before she looked at him seriously. "You promise no appearances?"

"I swear. You don't have a contract, you're not obliged to do anything you don't want to." Castle paused. "There is one condition."

Well, she had to give him points for telling her now, before she agreed to anything. "I'm listening."

"You're not allowed to say 'no'." At her arched eyebrow he hastily continued. "Within reason, of course."

Kate chewed the inside of her lip. The idea of a sunny California beach sounded absolutely heavenly. So did a spa and honestly, some time to read and step away from the job. She couldn't remember the last time she took a vacation and wasn't even sure she knew how. But Lanie had been bothering her about getting some time off and she knew she'd probably been working herself a little too hard. It would be taking time out for herself, something she rarely did.

"If I say no?" she finally said, unwilling to give in that easily.

The spark in Castle's eyes told her he was on to her. "Then I'll pester you until you do."

"You can't annoy me onto a trip, Castle."

"I'll talk to Captain Montgomery."

"You're showing your hand early."

"Hazard of the job."

She paused for a moment, then said, "Okay."

"Okay? That's it?"

"That's it."

"You'll come to California with me?"

"No appearances, right?"

He nodded swiftly.

"I can do whatever I want, whenever I want?"

Castle nodded again.

"And the only condition is that, within reason, I can't say 'no'."

"Right."

She shrugged. "Then I don't see the harm."

"Yes!" There was bright glee on his face and Kate was actually taken aback. She'd assumed that this was nothing much, just another way to annoy her, and maybe just because he could. Plus, it wasn't like they were actually going to be together at all. He'd be so busy with his book that she'd have all of the week to herself, enough time to relax and decompress before coming back to the job. And even Kate had to admit, as much as he annoyed the hell out of her on a regular basis, she wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

"There's one more thing," he said, and she was immediately on guard by the sheepish tone of his voice.

"Okay…"

"We leave tomorrow."


	2. Chapter 2

Kate swore a blue streak as she raided her dresser. The stupid, stupid, _stupid_ man! She could tell he'd been planning his little coup for a while and yet he'd given her _one day's_ notice to get her things together. Actually, it was less than a day. He'd be here any minute. His little book tour wasn't a big one this time, a couple of appearances in the lovely coastal city, then to the larger metropolis of LA for a couple of good shots at Hollywood hot spots. And she wasn't about to tell him she'd managed to con the information out of Alexis.

"Girl, you have to breathe. It's a trip, not a honeymoon."

Kate rolled her eyes, aware that Lanie Parish probably knew she was doing it. "I have nothing to wear." Because in pure OCD Beckett fashion, all of her spring and summer clothing had been packed away. She'd taken the better part of the last two hours digging everything – including her suitcase where she'd had to ignore the film of dust on the top – getting everything together. Even after dumping her entire spring-summer collection into the suitcase, she felt like she was underprepared for a trip with Richard Castle.

"You have plenty to wear," Lanie argued. "And I know you have some treasures locked away in that bottom drawer of yours if you're looking to give him some inspiration. 'Cause I gotta tell you, girl, if that man can write a scene like _Heat Wave_, think of what he'd be able to do if he had the real thing."

Kate huffed out an annoyed breath, ignoring the heat that raced through her at the thought of what a night with the all-too-famous Castle would be like. "I'm not going on this trip to sleep with Castle."

"Mmhmm, you keep telling yourself that." Laney's eyes had lit up like a kid on Christmas when she'd discovered that Kate had actually agreed. She hadn't thought Castle was going to be able to do it, so much so that she, Ryan and Esposito had come up with a plan B to get her to agree. Nevertheless, she also knew that a trip was probably going to be the best thing for Kate. A trip with the man she was not only lusting over but pining after? Well, Lanie had high hopes about this particular foray to the west coast. "You made sure you packed your little black dress?"

"I'm not going to need it," Kate shot back.

"Have faith!" Lanie exclaimed. "What are you going to do if some hottie comes up to you on that beach and asks you to dinner, hmm? You going to wear shorts and a t-shirt?"

"I packed skirts," Kate defended, offended.

"Girl, just pack the dress. It can't hurt."

Kate eyed her best friend suspiciously. "Why do I feel like you're in on some scheme?"

_Some scheme to get your head out of your ass_, Lanie thought to herself. "Me? Scheming? Since when?"

"Come on, Lanie…"

"I'm merely looking out for your best interest. Who knows, in a year from now, maybe I'll be attending some sort of crazy beach wedding in California."

Kate snorted. "Keep dreaming."

"Of a beach hottie? Oh, trust me, sweetie, I will."

The detective groaned. "How did I let him talk me into this?"

"Good looks and charm?" Lanie shot back.

"Hardly."

"Spa package, all expense paid, beach, no Castle…" Actually, Lanie would bet six months of her paycheck the last part was a lie. And Lanie actually found herself liking the idea of her best friend and Writer Boy dealing with their unresolved sexual tension. Of course, Lanie saw more on both sides, but a one night stand wasn't a terrible start.

Kate ran a hand through her hair, half in exasperation. He was going to be there any minute. She looked at her best friend as the ME rested a hand on Kate's arm.

"You need the break, Kate," Lanie said quietly. "You need a chance to decompress and remember that there are things other than murderers in this world. If Writer-Boy is going to open up that world for you, you should take it."

Kate narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What are you talking about, Lanie?"

"No one in that precinct is blind, girl. You like the guy, the guy likes you. What'll it hurt if you let yourself go for a week?"

And be another girl Rick Castle threw to the wayside? Kate wasn't about to go down that road. One, regardless of how well she protected herself, Castle knew things about her that even Lanie didn't really know the full extent of. Much to her own surprise and chagrin, he had managed to weasel himself into her life farther than she'd anticipated. She didn't want to be used and thrown away. Two, she was stronger than his little groupies. She wasn't swayed by his smile and his money.

"Come on. Castle's going to have so many women around he's going to forget I'm even there," she said instead, tucking another book into spare room in her suitcase.

"Does denial always work for you?" the ME asked. "Beckett, I highly doubt that man is about to forget that you're allowing him to whisk you off on a fantasy vacation. There are women who would _kill_ to be in your shoes."

"I'm not in denial," Kate shot back. "I'm just thinking realistically."

"You like the chase," Lanie accused. "You like being have to say you have power over the great Richard Castle, power that no other woman, putting aside his mother and daughter, have."

Kate couldn't stop her smirk. It was fun to banter with him, then turn him down flat. "What can I say? It is a thrill."

"See? You're absolutely wicked." Lanie's face turned serious again. "You're living a cliché, Kate. The guy… I don't think even he'd be able to walk away from a one night stand." She shrugged at Kate's incredulous look. "Or, you both get it out of your system and you move on. Because, you know, it's not like you're in love with him."

The sparkle in the ME's face was teasing and Kate simply rolled her eyes. In love was probably taking it too many steps too far, but that didn't mean she hadn't been jealous of Bachelor Number Three or that she hadn't been warmed by the idea that instead of bringing some groupie, he'd brought his mother and daughter to his release of _Heat Wave_. Well, besides the fact that she had absolutely no reason to be jealous of the women on Castle's arm because she didn't care. Still, she was good at protecting herself, better than most people. She had to be, to survive.

God, Lanie really was right. Here she was, going on a trip to California of all places, with the playboy of the year. Why had she agreed to it in the first place? She could have just taken the week and curled up with books in New York City. She had no intention of sleeping with Castle, really she didn't. Lust aside – and lust was something she could most definitely control – she knew so much better. Katherine Beckett wasn't a notch on anyone's bedpost and she wasn't about to start now.

"And deal with his new-found cockiness when he can say he finally got 'Nikki Heat'?" Kate snorted inelegantly. "No thanks."

Her doorbell sounded and Kate groaned. She still had a few finishing touches to put on her packing. Lanie put a hand on her arm as she went to walk out. The ME chewed her lip for a moment. "I think we both know this has never been about Nikki Heat."

Kate rolled her eyes, ignoring the flutter in her stomach, as she went to get the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Kate Beckett was utterly overwhelmed, and, if Rick knew anything about her, nervous.

He wasn't a celebrity in the Brad Pitt sense, but this was New York. He had enough fans here to make it difficult if they caught wind of his appearance in one place or another. Getting into the airport had been surprisingly difficult. It was an _airport_ for goodness sakes, he was just getting on a plane. He wasn't on a date, out for a night of debauchery – which, he made a mental note of doing so soon – or any sort of publicity. Sometimes, even to him, fans didn't make sense.

Even so, it had overwhelmed Kate immediately. She looked just as nervous as she had at the _Heat Wave_ release party and the next few hours hadn't helped. It was obvious that Kate wasn't used to the first class treatment at the way she seemed so shocked by the way flight attendants and lounge servants seemed to ask her if there was anything he could get her every five minutes. Paula, his agent, travelling with them, had simply raised an eyebrow at her jumpiness. Rick had done everything he could short of simply taking her aside and distracting her with everything he'd wanted to do to her since meeting her.

Katherine Beckett haunted his dreams and fantasies, there was absolutely no doubt about that, but recently, she'd started haunting his heart too. Which, though there was no way he'd ever admit it out loud, was why he'd been so adamant she take a break and come on the trip with him. He wanted her to relax, do something other than think about work and her mother's case. Because despite everything that had happened around them, the other cases, the other drama, he knew that above all else, Kate couldn't keep her mind off of her mother's case. More specifically, he knew she was still trying to wrap her mind around her mother being the target of a professional killer.

Of course, she played a good game, put on a good face, but it was times like this, right now, her fingers playing with the chain of the necklace her mother's ring hung on, that Castle was reminded Johanna Beckett was never far from her daughter's mind.

She caught his gaze as he watched her, sitting in the aisle seat on the plane. Her gaze had been fixed out the window as they waited for the other passengers to board the plane.

"Detective," Rick began. "Relax. You're on vacation."

"I know," she responded tersely, her fingers still flipping the ring around and around in her fingers.

Rick shook his head. "You're like a junkie. Always looking for the next fix."

Her hazel eyes met his and he was glad to see the spark of teasing. "Oh? Then enlighten me, Mister I-Can-Read-Your-Mind, what's my addiction."

He leaned in close, unable to hold in his grin at the intake of breath he could hear. "Murder."

Kate actually barked out a laugh. "I'm addicted to work?"

"Of course you are," he replied haughtily, leaning back in the comfortable leather of the seat. "You're already going into withdrawal." He waited a minute, hoping she'd relax. "Come on, Detective Beckett. Put away your anxieties and your worries, just for a week."

The pilots started the engines, and the plane lurched backwards. Rick got the surprise of his life when Kate's hand landed on his and squeezed. Hard. He hissed.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly, pulling her hand away and folding both of them tightly in her lap instead. But the damage had already been done and Rick found his brain launching off, trying to figure out what had made Kate grab his hand so hard. While he puzzled it out, he reached for her, loosening her white-knuckled grip. She didn't move until the plane jolted forward on its way to the runway.

"You're afraid of flying." He spoke the words softly, unwilling to spook her. He didn't want her thinking he was making fun of her, for he was doing the exact opposite. He would never mock her fears, at least not one like this and certainly not when he was blessed with her presence on this vacation. Her comfort was of utmost importance to him for the next seven days.

"Just take off and landing," she admitted, closing her eyes. "And if you so much as breathe a word of this to the boys-"

"Your secret's safe with me," he replied easily, his thumb starting a slow circle on the back of her hand. He put on his cocky grin, just to make her smile. "I can think of something that'll take your mind off of take off."

He was actually thankful when she shot him a glare. "I'm not joining the mile high club with you, Castle," she snapped.

"Now, now, I wasn't about to suggest anything of the sort."

Her arched eyebrow was accompanied by her perfected and patented eye roll. "Alright, I'll bite."

"You will?" he asked, putting on the gleeful playboy face. He didn't like how tightly she was hanging onto his hand.

She blatantly ignored him. "What did you have in mind?"

Rick tugged on her hand, settling it on his thigh as he began tracing absent patterns on it. He tightened his grip as she tried to yank her hand away, leaning closer to her. "Close your eyes."

"Wh-What?"

"Close your eyes," he said again, resisting the urge to grin at her stutter. Kate Beckett never, ever, stuttered. There was a thrill in knowing that regardless of how much she denied it, he had that kind of power over her.

She looked at him dubiously.

"Beckett," he said, voice low, "trust me." And part of him thrill that, after glaring at him for a moment, she complied. "Think of a beach," he began softly, his fingertips running over her wrist now. "White sand, blue water…"

Her face was starting to relax, starting to lose its pinched look.

"Quiet," he said, unsurprised when her head leaned towards his as his voice dropped. "The sun is beating down, warming you…"

Her hand tightened in his only slightly, less than he'd anticipated as the plane picked up speed. He tickled her wrist, this time actually surprised when her arm relaxed almost immediately under his touch. Maybe this trip wasn't going to be a complete bust after all.

Rick's storyteller nature took over, and his mind went instead to the week ahead. In pure Castle fashion, he had an underlying agenda for the next seven days. Beyond his absolute desire to see his extraordinary Kate Beckett relaxed, he had alternate aims. One of which was specifically to spoil her absolutely rotten. He was going to make sure that there was nothing Kate wanted was out of her reach, no matter what it was, no matter the cost. He was going to make sure she paid for nothing.

But more than that, he was determined to show her that they could be good together. It wasn't about seducing her, per se, though he couldn't deny that it would be a definite bonus, but more about how they balanced each other. He wanted to show her that the inspiration she brought him was not solely in his career, but also in his private life.

Kate's breathing had evened out now, and he was absolutely sure she'd completely missed the take off. He grinned. "You feel my hand, stroking your back, sliding under the top of your red string bikini-"

He had a split second when the scent of cherries left his nose to protect himself. Kate lashed out, slapping him harder than he'd anticipated. He grinned.

"I'll take that as a no?"


	4. Chapter 4

Kate ran her hand over the couch of her hotel suite's sitting room, her entire body radiating absolute awe. This room was nothing she'd imagined, didn't come anywhere close. Her wide balcony looked out over the San Francisco shore and she could see the waves lapping at sand, the people lounging on the beach, even a volleyball game. The suite itself had a massive bedroom done in angelic whites accented with gold and silver. A large king-sized bed dominated the room, framed by gauzy curtains tied at the bedposts. The living area held two couches, a coffee table and a desk, one wall dominated by a television and entertainment consol. There was a door connecting her room to whoever was next door.

But that wasn't the most impressive part of the place. The room that had utterly blown Kate's mind was the bathroom. There was a corner shower and two sinks framed by marble counters, but it was the bathtub that had made her gasp. It was a sunken Jacuzzi tub, taking up most of the room. There were even stairs to get in and wide rims Kate could just picture completely covered in candles.

The knock on her door made her jump and she went over to pull it open. Castle stood on the other side, and despite how completely flabbergasted she was, she managed to raise an eyebrow. "Keeping souvenirs?" she asked, waving to the pocket of his suit jacket.

Castle looked down, humming slightly as he pulled the panties out. "I did not even know that was there."

She shot him a look he merely countered with a charming grin.

"Tell me, Detective, is the suite to your liking?"

Kate turned back to take in the sitting room, shaking her head. "This is too much," she said. "It's incredible.

"I'm glad you approve," he said, sincerity oozing in his voice. She'd found that he was being more genuine on this trip, even if his signature immaturity wasn't far away.

She opened her mouth to protest again, but he started speaking first.

"There's full room service, twenty-four hours a day, anything you can think of at your immediate disposal, so all you have to do is call the front desk. This is where I normally stay, so they know to just run a tab."

"Castle, no."

He blatantly ignored her. "The TV has every station you could dream of and just in case you decide to give in to your utter yearning to ravish me until I pass out, the door there connects to my room. All you have to do is knock and I promise to fulfill your every fantasy. Or mine." He waggled his eyebrows. "I know I have one that involves you, me, the balcony and –"

"Finish that sentence and Alexis is the only child you will ever have the chance of fathering," she growled.

Castle only grinned at her, muted glee on his face.

Kate rolled her eyes. "Don't you have something better to do? You're the one that keeps telling me I'm on vacation and should be taking advantage of it."

"And miss the chance to see that adorable scowl?" He yelped loudly as she swung at him. "I have an hour to kill before I have to meet Paula."

"There has _got_ to be something more productive for you to be doing than bothering me." She needed time to take all of this in, including the fame-filled trip from the airport. She was still trying to absorb the lifestyle of Richard Castle, the author. The room hadn't made her feel any more within her comfort zone either.

_Who are you kidding, Katie-Girl_, she thought to herself with a mental snort, _this whole trip is out of your comfort zone._

"Earth to Beckett!"

Her far away look turned almost immediately into a glare. "Why are you still here?"

He merely smirked at her. "Daydreaming about me, Detective?"

She shoved him backwards, slamming the door closed as she said, "Keep dreaming Castle."

* * *

"Richard Castle, over here!"

"Where's Nikki Heat tonight, Mister Castle!"

"Oh Rick, I'll play your Nikki Heat!"

Rick put on a charming smile for the reporters, as he walked the red carpet that night, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. There were times he seriously regretted creating Nikki Heat. He'd brought Paula as his 'date', refusing to let her or his publishers set him up with some publicity bimbo. That would only serve to undermine his entire plan for the next seven days. The last thing he needed was Kate catching wind of his nightly escapades when the truth was, he really didn't want to have any unless they were with the brilliant dynamic detective back at the hotel.

He hissed when Paula pinched his arm. Hard.

"At least pretend you're happy to be here."

"I am," he replied through his celebrity grin.

"Uh huh. Don't play dumb with me, Rick."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Your detective."

Rick shot her a look. "She's not mine."

"But you want her to be," Paula told him. "A trip and a series of books? Just how special is this girl, Rick?"

He managed not to wince at how well she had him pegged. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

She rolled her eyes. "How long have I been your agent?"

"As long as I've been published," he replied immediately.

"Exactly, so you can't lie to me." When he didn't reply she just sighed. "Look, what you're doing for this girl says a lot for how you feel about her. Why don't you just say something so we can get all of this dancing over with?"

"I thought you liked dancing," he said in response, flashing her a grin.

"Yeah, at a club. Not in a relationship."

"Beckett and I aren't in a relationship." Ha. He could play evasion with the best of 'em. And he was doing well if he did say so himself.

Paula stopped him, facing him head on and he knew that in the next few minutes he was about to admit something to her he didn't want to. "Rick, how special is this girl?"

There was no way out of this. If there was one thing he knew about Paula Haas, it was that she was an absolute pitbull when she was onto something. So he took a deep breath and admitted, "Pretty damned special."

And that was an understatement.

* * *

Kate blew out a heavy and exasperated breath as she flipped through television channels for the eighth time. Or was it the ninth? For a television with more stations than she could shake a fist at there certainly was absolutely nothing on. And the worst part was that she was completely wired.

She's spent her afternoon by the pool, relaxing, re-reading one of her Castle novels. When she'd returned, she'd found a basket of bath products sitting on the coffee table in the sitting room with a simple note:

_Detective Beckett_,  
_I know how much you enjoy a good soak in the tub so I figured these would be a very nice addition. I'm sure you're anxious to get a chance to use the Jacuzzi. Next time, we'll make it a bath for two. Enjoy!_

There hadn't been a sender, but if the signed _Summer Heat_ leaning against the basket wasn't enough, the illusion to the two of them in a bath together clued her into _exactly_ who had sent the gift. Still, she wasn't spiteful enough to _not_ enjoy her present because Castle had been the one to send it.

Besides, it was almost sweet, in that trademark Castle way.

God, what had she done? She'd agreed to a freaking _vacation_ with _Castle_. Well, not _with_ Castle but… he was right next door! She was going to have to hear his debauchery every night! She was so _stupid_!

It was with determined steps that she went to her beach bag, pulling out her cell phone and speed dialling the only person who could possibly talk her down off this ledge.

"_Katherine Beckett you had better be callin' me from your bathroom because there's some hottie in your bedroom you don't want overhearing this conversation_."

Kate smiled, but sighed. "No, Lanie, I don't have a date. I'm here by myself."

"_What?_" the ME inquired. "_Girl, half of the reason I sent you there was so you could be at least a little bit reckless! What are you doing moping around in your hotel room?_"

She _really_ didn't want to talk about that.

"_You've been getting offers, right_?"

Kate chewed her lip. "I have," she admitted, aware that Lanie would be able to virtually smell a lie. And she had while she was by the pool that afternoon – one had even tried to pick her up by commenting on the fact that Richard Castle was apparently staying in the hotel – but she had been literally unable to say 'yes'. She had studiously avoided thinking about why.

"_Then I don't get it. If you're not going to jump your Writer Boy then at least put some other poor shmuck out of his misery. You're a beautiful woman, Kate, take advantage of it_."

Her reply caught in her throat as she heard Castle return. She was silent on the phone, listening closely for a few minutes. She was shocked when all she heard was the closing of his door. No voices, no laughter, no loud lusty screaming. "Lanie, I have to go," she said into the phone, not even realizing the words were coming out of her mouth.

"_What? Why? You just called me!_"

Kate had to think fast. "My bath's run. I'll call you later, okay?"

"_That's the best you can do? My bath's run? Come on, Kate_," Lanie replied, her attitude loud on the phone.

The detective wasn't really paying attention. "Lanie, really..."

"_Oh. Oh!_"

"Oh what?" Kate asked suspiciously.

"_Nothin',_" the ME replied with an air of innocence. "_I'm just going to go back to my body. You have a good night with Castle and make sure you burn it into your brain, I want details._"

"I'm not sleeping with Castle on this trip, Lanie," the brunette scolded.

"_Uh huh. If that's what helps you sleep at night._" Then Lanie was gone and Kate was left staring at her phone in utter bewilderment. Why on earth did everyone want her to sleep with Richard Castle? That was suicide in so many ways. Sure, she fully admitted to being used to and kind of liking having the man around, but how the hell did that translate into wanting to sleep with him?

And why in the name of all that was holy was she starting to think it wouldn't be such a bad idea?


	5. Chapter 5

Rick grinned as he took in his travel companion, laying comfortably on a lounge chair by the pool, book propped open on her stomach. Kate Beckett definitely looked like she was trying to relax. He was glad. Sometimes he really did worry that she was working herself much too hard. He put on his most charming smile as he sauntered her way. He moved silently behind her chair, leaning down so his breath floated over the bare skin of her neck.

"My, my, my Detective," he said lowly, grinning when he heard her breath catch. "That is quite the body you've been hiding."

And it was beautifully on display in a halter bikini. It wasn't a string bikini by any stretch of the imagination, nor was it red, but it still showcased her in all of her glorious, smooth-skinned beauty. There were scars, but she was still the most beautiful woman he'd seen in a long time, not simply on the outside, but on the inside too. It was how beautiful she was on the inside that made her so extraordinary. He took her in, unable to stop himself from reaching out and running his fingers over the thick strap that tied back behind her neck.

"Like what you see?" she asked, her own voice just as low, just as alluring.

"Oh, Beckett, you have no idea."

Her hand came up, grasping his pointer finger and squeezing at the knuckle. _Hard_.

"Okay, okay! Apples!"

Kate let him go, smiling as she adjusted in her seat. "Take it in, Castle. It's the most you're ever going to see."

His laugh was low as he slid onto the edge of her chair. "I take it the bath products were a good choice, not to mention the book."

"You're a good writer."

She'd admitted that much to him before, so he had no problem taking that one in stride. "And the bath? The Jacuzzi tub is fantastic."

He resisted the urge to grin at her blush. "How do you know that all I did was have a bath and go to bed?"

"Because you _so_ do not have that 'I was ravished within an inch of my life' glow, Detective," he answered. "We can go remedy that now, if you'd like."

"What? Your groupie from last night not up to your satisfaction?"

A smirk danced over her lips, but Rick ignored it, choosing instead to focus on the assumption that needed to be corrected. "I came back early," he said, reaching out, unable to stop himself from touching the soft skin of her thigh. "Jet lag."

"You mean to tell me the all-famous Richard Castle _did not_ get laid last night? Are we having problems with the equipment?"

She was bating him. Instead of getting upset or offended, he leaned into her, a little surprised that she hadn't stopped his hand on her skin. "Care to test it, Detective?"

Kate snorted inelegantly. "Just because we're across the country, Castle, does not mean I suddenly want to sleep with you."

"You're missing out," he replied.

"Why are you even here?" she asked, settling her sunglasses on her head and looking him straight in the eye. "Don't you have some party to go to? An interview for _Summer Heat_?"

"I could not pass up seeing you in a bikini," Rick replied promptly. It was a half-truth anyway. Really, he couldn't pass up the opportunity of seeing _her_.

She rolled her eyes. "Go play with one of your bimbos, Castle."

The smile dropped off his face and he met her gaze seriously. While he knew that technically he didn't owe her any sort of explanation, he wanted to give her one. She needed to understand that he wanted her, not anyone else. "I took Paula last night. There is no bimbo."

She blinked for a moment, in that way she always did when he'd taken her off guard with serious honesty. "I don't care."

But the softness of her response told him that she did care. So did the way she avoided his eyes. Kate was a superb liar when she wanted to be, but emotionally, he'd always been able to read her. But instead of calling her on it, he simply smiled and patted her thigh. It would take time to get her to see that he wanted to try to see what they could build between them and pushing her too far now would only hinder him.

"Someday, Beckett, you'll give in."

She settled her sunglasses back on her face, cracking open her book again. "Keep dreaming, Castle."

He grinned widely as he sauntered away, mind already spinning with ways to woo his detective.

* * *

Kate sighed to herself as she once again sat alone in her hotel room. She felt absolutely and utterly pathetic. Here she was, on vacation, and she was alone in her hotel room when every other person in her position was out on the prowl. But she couldn't bring herself to dress up and hang out at a strange bar. As a cop, especially on New York, she was much too familiar with the multitude of things that could go wrong as a single woman alone.

It was the sole reason she almost jumped through the roof at the knock on her door. Her brow wrinkled. She hadn't ordered room service and it was definitely _way_ too early for Castle to have returned. Which made his appearance on the other side of the door all the more surprising.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as she swung open the door.

He shrugged. "Dinner ended early."

She arched an eyebrow in disbelief. "Then what's in the bag?"

"Dessert," he answered with a wide grin, bouncing the bags slightly. "Ice cream and all the fixings, a traditional Castle experience."

"You were probably at a five star restaurant and you decided against desserts of the finest quality in favour of ice cream? I find that terribly hard to believe."

Castle bustled past her into the suite, setting the bags down on the small low table before turning to her. "I decided against some fancy dessert at an upscale restaurant in favour of coming back and having ice cream… with _you_."

His emphasis on the last two words made her breath catch. It wasn't often he was outright honest with her when it came to personal motivations but she could always tell when he was. Still, she cleared her throat, folding her arms over her chest. "How did you know I'd even be here?"

"I didn't," he answered. "But I was hoping you would be."

"No groupie?" she asked, unable to keep the sarcasm from her voice, unleashing her usual defense mechanisms. Sarcasm was a good one, especially since this sincerity coming from him was melting the well-built walls around her heart.

He smirked slightly. "Why, Detective? Jealous?"

Kate shook her head. She had nothing to be jealous about, and that was beyond the fact that her bubble of denial maintained that she and Castle would be a terrible, terrible idea. She blatantly ignored the little voice in her head that asked her why. Why would she and Castle be a bad idea?

"Detective?"

"Kate," she corrected absently. She bit down hard on the inside of her cheek, maintaining her cool by her fingernails. She had no idea what to do with the last five minutes of her life, no idea what exactly had her standing there, insisting that the man who had driven her nuts for the past year and a half address her by her first name. "It's Kate."

When he didn't say anything for a few minutes, she looked up. His eyes were searching her face, looking to all the world like she'd just given him the most precious gift. "Kate."

Kate couldn't stop her shiver at the use of his first name, nor could she stop herself from blushing profusely. She'd never allowed him to use her first name. The only times he'd used it, she'd been in the throes of something terrible, smack dab in the middle of someone or something upending her life. She swallowed, forcing herself to get back on track. "So what did you bring for me?"


	6. Chapter 6

Kate woke the next morning, cuddled deep in her blankets with no recollection as to how she'd gotten there. She remembered Castle, ice cream, candy and some ridiculous chick flick that had been on late at night, but she definitely did not remember heading to her bedroom. There was a split second of fear before she reassured herself that yes, she was truly alone in her bed.

She couldn't help the smile that bloomed over her face as she thought of the night before. Not only had Castle left his dinner early, but he'd done so to come back to the hotel and have ice cream _with her_. There was a thrill in that, even if she didn't want that thrill to exist. Eventually, she dragged herself out of bed, wandering out into the living room where the candy was still spread across the coffee table. At least she knew the previous night hadn't been a dream.

It was then she noticed that beside the perfectly packed bags of sweet treats, a deep red rose rested on top of hotel stationary. She shook her head as she noticed the untidy scroll of her favourite author – for his writing only, of course – and wrinkled her brow as she deciphered the letters.

_Kate,  
Today is your spa day, m'lady. All afternoon, whatever you want.  
And I'll know if you cheat._

She wasn't sure whether to huff in irritation or swoon. She'd allowed him permission to call her by the diminutive of her name the previous night, and the fact that it was written there in his untidy scrawl, the same way it was in her books, made her heart beat a little bit faster. At the same time, she was well aware what he was referring to as 'cheating'. She'd already taken a trip to the spa downstairs and his version of 'cheating' was choosing less expensive treatments because of money. She made a mental note to talk to him about his apparent need to lavish her.

They weren't going out. They were partners, in both his work and hers. She'd come down on this vacation for convenience.

_God, Katie-Girl, when are you going to stop deluding yourself? At this rate, someone's going to institutionalize you._

Why on earth did her inner voice sound like Lanie? Kate sighed to herself, unable to refrain from lifting the rose to her nose and taking a deep breath. It was a beautiful flower to leave behind and a sweet gesture. This was the Castle she had a hard time resisting, the one that dropped everything for ice cream, the one that helped her with her mother's case because he cared, the one who lightened her day by just being there… the one who was willing to move heaven and earth for her.

The last one rose to her mind without the real conscious permission of her logical brain. Because if there was one thing Castle had definitely proven, it was that he was willing to do anything for her. He walked into every situation with her with his eyes wide open now, his writer vest on and his guard up. She'd even taught him a few hand-to-hand moves after Coonan's case to make sure that he could defend himself if he got the chance. And, of course, he'd so quickly pointed out to her that if she wanted him to, he was willing to step away from her mother's case. He had no idea how much it had torn her up, but since their falling out the first time he'd gone digging, he'd acquiesced to more of her requests.

Kate couldn't deny the attraction. It had been there, underlying all of her irritation and annoyance since she'd met him so long after waiting an hour in line for her signed Derrick Storm novel. Then, he'd been gracious, polite to fans, each and every one. When he'd met her at the book launch party, there had been the arrogant Richard Castle everyone seemed to want to portray. But 'Rick', as he'd been so adamant he call her last night, was a different person.

He was smart, dangerously so, and most definitely suave. There had been more than once that Kate had been forced to pinching her thigh to remind herself that Castle just wanted in her pants and once he'd gotten that, he'd be gone. But even she had to admit that everything he'd done for her over the last two days didn't seem like the thing a guy did just because he wanted to sleep with a girl. Castle would never be that cruel, of that, Kate was absolutely certain. He may have one of the longest streams of lovers in her general people circle, but from news accounts and stories from Alexis and his mother, Castle had done his utmost to make sure those women stayed happy. And here he was, prepared to spend on her whatever he needed to.

But this trip was starting to cost _a lot_ of money and she wasn't completely comfortable with the idea of allowing him to simply pay for it all. He didn't need to show off his wealth because she didn't care. More than that, she didn't need him to pay for things. She didn't need him to make her happy. She'd never needed anyone else to make her happy, not to mention the fact that throwing his money around really wasn't making her happy to begin with. Really, his presumptuousness was just irritating her.

She looked up at the knock at the door, revealing a young woman with a smile.

"Miss Beckett?"

"Yes?"

"Mr Castle sent me. Are you ready for a lovely afternoon at our five star spa?"

Oh yeah, she was going to kill him.

* * *

He was flirting absently down at the pool, exactly where his note told Kate he was going to be. He'd left her another note, and another flower, half way through the afternoon well aware she was still down at the spa. He smiled at the woman currently stroking his chest, catching her hand as it started trailing too low. Usually he didn't mind, but he'd been watching the time and the last thing he needed was for Kate to find him with a girl draped over him. That would totally screw with every plan he'd ever made. It was the same moment he heard Kate's sharp voice ring over the area.

"Richard Castle!"

Oh. She was very not impressed. He really shouldn't be surprised, but he couldn't stop the stab of hurt. Rick eased himself up and away from the other woman with a small smile. "Kate."

"We need to talk."

"Oh?" He didn't budge, just stayed standing.

"You're lucky I don't have my gun with me, Castle."

He took her in, skin glowing from her afternoon at the spa – though he would never, ever, tell how often he checked up on her – small cotton shorts showing legs he'd admired more than once, and a thick-strapped tank hugging her upper body. God, she was gorgeous.

"Detective," he began, reverting back to her title as a defence. "I have not seen you all day, I have no idea what I could have done to upset you."

Her hands stayed on her hips, but she sighed. "Castle, you can't pay for my whole trip."

"Why not?" he asked, the question both legitimate and posed with the utmost innocence.

"Because I'm a big girl. Paying for my room is one thing, so is paying for my flight, but _everything_?"

This was one of those instances where he knew the shock of complete honesty was the only thing that would work in his favour. He settled his hands on her shoulders, sliding them up and down her upper arms. "Kate, is it really so bad to let yourself be taken care of?"

"I don't need to be taken care of," she snapped.

It was his turn to roll his eyes, a chance he rarely got in her presence. "I know that. You're one of the most independent people I know."

"Then I don't get it."

"I have the money, and I'm going to spend it on you so long as you're my guest on this trip," he explained.

"Rick-"

"And if you remember the deal, you can't say 'no'," he cut her off.

"Within reason," she countered.

"Exactly. You can say no to any of my publicity events, you can turn me down flat as much as you want, but paying for you on this trip is non-negotiable," he explained forcefully. He reached up, pressing his finger to her mouth before she could speak. "This is an argument you most definitely will not be winning, Detective."

She yanked her head back. "Castle, that's ridiculous."

"It is not," he replied. "It's perfect. So, Detective, it is probably in your best interest to stop arguing."

"You expect me to just roll over and play dead? That's not the way this works."

"Kate, you are the last person who would roll over and play dead," he replied, voice low, his fingers stroking the side of her neck in a feather touch.

She rolled her eyes and slapped his hand away. "Castle, I mean it."

"So do I," he answered seriously. "I won't change my mind." He shook his head when she opened her mouth again. "Let me do this. You can go back to not relying on anyone when we get back to New York."

Her green eyes spat fire and she crossed her arms. "We're not finished."

"Oh, but we are," he retorted, turning her around and ushering her back towards the hotel. "It's already taken care of and you're already looking more relaxed. I don't want you worrying a single gorgeous hair on that pretty little head of yours about _anything_ on this trip."

"Castle-"

"Kate, please," he said, with a heavy sigh. "I want to do this."

She paused for a moment. "Why?"

He thought about his answer, and thought about it carefully. There were so many ways he could answer that question, ranging from humour, to evasion, to complete and utter truth. He needed something that wouldn't scare her because that would be completely against his aim . He stopped, walking around to face her, meeting her spell-binding eyes head on.

"I think you know why, Kate."


	7. Chapter 7

This time Kate was chewing a nail and pacing her suite, her mind a mess. It was a weird situation to be in. She knew _exactly_ what Castle was implying when he'd told her she knew why he wanted to pay for her while she was in California.

Richard Castle had never made a secret of how attractive he thought she was. Their relationship had always had chemistry and it wasn't simply the perfect combination of personalities. From the moment she'd met him, there had been that spark of sexual attraction, that slide of glorious heat through her veins. Even Lanie had been able to see it. Yet, at the same time, she knew better than to allow Castle anywhere close to her heart. Because there was no doubt about it, he'd managed to weasel his way further and further into her good graces, even through the moments she'd been absolutely _livid_ when he hadn't listened to her about her mother's case.

She hadn't been lying to him when she'd admitted that she'd gotten terribly used to him pulling her pigtails. It had become a normal routine between them and she'd actually started enjoying it. What had been more surprising was the faith she'd ended up putting in him in regards to her mother's case. When Nick Coonan came around, she hadn't been sure she could handle her mother's case. In fact, she'd been positive that she'd lose herself again. But not only had her father talked her into it, but the idea that she knew Castle would be with her, every step of the way, his absolutely genuine offer to do whatever she wanted, made her realize that he'd wormed his way into a lot more than just her work.

She trusted him, with a lot more than she'd ever trusted men with before. Even to Esposito and Ryan she was very much an enigma. It had taken them _years_ to find out things Castle had discovered in an afternoon. But it was more than that, so much more than that, and so much that she didn't want to admit. Kate knew that if she let him in, if she opened herself to the things Castle had been offering her since they'd met, there was no way she'd be able to walk away unscathed. Not now, not with everything they'd been through.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock and it took her a moment to realize that it was coming from the adjoining door and not from the door of her suite. Her brow wrinkled. She hadn't even heard him come back. She glanced at the clock on the TV as she walked past. Almost midnight. What was he doing back so early?

"Hey," she greeted quietly when she opened the door. He looked a little worse for wear and she was utterly surprised.

"Is there any ice cream left?"

Kate stepped back, allowing him into the room. He was already dressed in track pants and a simple t-shirt as he stepped in the room, heading straight for the little mini-fridge. There had been an icebox where they'd stored the ice cream the night before. "What happened?" she asked, her voice still quiet.

Castle blew out a breath. "My ex-wife happened."

"Deep fried Twinkie?"

"No," he said with a chuckle, settling himself on her couch. "The other one."

She moved to sit beside him, curling her legs beneath her. "Your publisher, right?"

He dug his spoon straight into the carton, not bothering with a bowl this time. "Yeah."

Kate's brow wrinkled. "You're not having writer's block again, are you?"

"No," he replied. "How could I?"

She blushed at the intensity of his look. "Then what is it?"

"It's nothing," he replied. "She's just… stressful."

Kate propped her elbow on the back of the couch and smiled. "Well, there's ice cream, candy and a million channels, as you keep telling me."

"Ah, but there are more entertaining things than television, Kate."

"Oh?" she inquired, managing to keep her shiver internal only. She was still getting used to Castle calling her by her first name.

"Oh yes," he replied with a smile.

She could already tell he was relaxing, his muscles releasing from the irritation that his ex-wife had quite obviously knit into his shoulders. "Like what, Mister Castle."

"Like you, Detective Beckett," he replied, sliding the spoon back into his mouth.

"Oh, come on, Castle. I can't just _give_ you Nikki Heat," she said with a gentle chuckle. "Isn't it so much more fun to peel the onion than for me to just cut it open for you?"

"Why do you have to be an onion?" he inquired in response. "There has to be more appetizing things to relate yourself to than onions." He paused for a moment. "Like a wedding cake. Or a chocolate cake."

She raised an eyebrow. "Haven't I proven I have too many layers for a simple cake, Castle?"

"Rick."

She flicked her gaze away. "Okay, haven't I proven to have too many layers for a simple cake, Rick." Something changed in his eyes as she watched and she swallowed, forcing herself to look away. "Come on, let's put on a movie."

* * *

Hours later, Kate sat with Castle on the couch of her suite, sharing stories. She'd found it terribly easy to tell him of her childhood and had been totally floored when he'd shared some of his own escapades with her. It was moments like this that made her wonder why she was holding back. She was still the more reserved of the two, still so much more careful about what she said, what stories she told, but he'd managed to coax out some real doozies, like her first Halloween at college. But she'd managed to start to learn how much of his stories were embellished for her amusement, and how much of them was truth.

She was actually comfortable, and she was leaning against his side. She'd been laughing so hard she'd collapsed against him and hadn't moved. It was like she'd given up fighting him, given up fighting them. Plus, he was warm and it had been much too long since she'd been, well, cuddled. She was so comfortable and content that when he spoke, she almost jumped.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Other than that one?" she asked in reply.

Castle's hand was sliding up and down the curve of her waist over her shirt. "If that's okay?"

He'd been asking her questions all night, but the way he asked made her realize that whatever it was he was about to say, it wasn't going to be all flowers and light. Her answer was going to be personal. She chewed her lip a little, trying to think about it. If she said no, whatever way she chose to deflect, she was afraid she was going to lose a piece of him. Yet, her logical mind argued that losing a piece of him didn't matter. Whatever her heart told her, it was just a stupid muscle and this was _Richard Castle_. The man didn't stay around forever, and Kate, honestly, was starting to get ridiculously tired of the one night stand routine.

"Shoot."

He seemed to pause for a moment, even the hand that was on her side, before sucking in a deep breath. "You have a scar," he began, and Kate realized that the movement of his hand had actually been tracing said scar. "Why?"

"Because I got hurt," she responded promptly, unable to stop the words before they came out of her mouth. To her own surprise and mentally-admitted happiness, he only chuckled.

"Yes, I assumed that, Kate." He'd been using her first name on a constant basis, taking advantage of the fact that he'd been given permission to use it. "I want to know how."


	8. Chapter 8

"That's a pretty personal question," she answered quietly, looking down.

"More personal than telling me about your mom?" he inquired in response.

"You guessed about my mom."

"Would you like me to guess this too?"

Kate looked up at him, wanting to see his face when she asked, "Why do you even want to know?"

Rick's fingers slowed and gentled. "Originally? Because it looked nasty and I figured there was a fantastic adventure behind it." He paused. "Now? Because I know you're only ever reluctant to tell me things that are _really_ good."

She blinked for a moment, then shoved herself away from him in irritation and disgust. They'd been doing so well up to this point, and Kate knew that had he given a different answer, she would have told him, straight up, no questions asked. He caught her and pulled her back.

"But ultimately?" he continued, his voice almost too soft to hear, holding her around the waist with one arm while the other hand held her chin hostage. His blue eyes were fiery, intense. "I want to know because it's part of what makes you who you are."

"So this is a Nikki Heat thing." She'd already withdrawn, so it wasn't that much work to finish the job. She tried to pull away physically and he let her go, something else putting out that fire she'd noticed only moments before. She told herself that it couldn't be hurt.

"Not everything I do or ask when it comes to you is about Nikki Heat," he told her seriously. "The stuff about your mother, everything I did with her case... That wasn't to build a back story for a fictional detective. It was, and will always be, about _you_."

Kate was stunned. She didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do, except sit on that couch and absorb his words. Which was why, a few minutes later when she'd shown no other reaction, she let him stand and walk away, back towards his room. She dropped her head to her knees, her mind swirling. They'd both used Nikki Heat as a defence before, Rick to gain information, Kate to deflect giving it. It was a convenient excuse for both of them

But, she thought as she let out a heavy whoosh of air, just a few hours before she'd puzzled her way to the conclusion that there was no one she trusted like she trusted Rick. She trusted him in ways she didn't even trust Ryan and Esposito, heck, in some ways, even Lanie, and they'd known her for _years_. She moved one hand to the scar, thinking back on that time, determining whether she _could_ tell the story as much as whether she wanted to. She closed her eyes. Maybe California was like Vegas. What happened in California, stayed in California.

So, before she lost her nerve, she strode to the adjoining door, unsurprised to find it was unlocked. She didn't bother to knock, just pushed it open and found him, sitting on his couch, flipping through a magazine.

"I was a rookie when it happened. Which makes it sound like it happened on the job, which it didn't."

Rick carefully, deliberately, set the magazine aside before leaning forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. "Kate, it's okay to not tell me."

But she'd already started the story. She wrapped her arms around herself. "I was walking home. I'd fallen asleep at my desk for the... ugh, who knows how many times I did. I'd been working on my mom's case." She swallowed thickly. "I walked by a bar, just as some guys stumbled out. They were drunk, but not to the point where they were anywhere close to docile and I should have known that." She chewed her lip. "I was exhausted. I just wanted to get home, so I ignored them, kept walking past the wolf whistles."

"Kate..." He was standing now, looking like he wanted to touch her, but Kate didn't see it. She was too wrapped up in the story.

"I'm not even totally sure how it happened. One second, I was brushing past them, the next, I was in an alley... I froze."

"You were a rookie, Kate."

She didn't really hear him. "When I did remember to start fighting, I didn't know one of them had a knife. I should have just... let it go, but I was a cop. Cops fought back." She shuddered. "Sixty-seven stitches."

"Jesus."

Kate jolted, when his hands rested on her arms. She hadn't even realized Rick had been moving towards her with every word. She met his eyes, unable to look away. "I spent a week in the hospital and another six healing, then rehab..."

"Did they find the guys?"

"Yeah," she said on a breath. "Protecting their own, you know."

The next thing she knew, she was pressed against the strong wall of his chest. She breathed him in, her arms coming to wrap around him, allowing herself to relish the feeling of him, the smell of him, the comfort he instilled in her body. She closed her eyes when she felt him press a kiss to her hair.

"Thank you."

She was shaking. Not crying, just shaking. She'd never told that story to anyone before. No one had ever really asked, not even Will, and they had been intimate more than once. She hadn't had to tell the story since explaining to the officers what happened at the hospital. Kate found herself clinging to Rick, her hands subconsciously fisting in the t-shirt he wore. It had been too long ago to really instil the actual adrenaline of fear into her the same way it had for the first little while after it happened, and she'd been through too much therapy not to know how to deal with it. The guilt still haunted her sometimes, on bad days, when she thought about the mistakes she'd made, the things she should have done differently.

"It's okay," he said quietly, holding her tighter as she trembled. "You're safe. You're okay."

Kate didn't answer for a few moments, still absorbing the strength he seemed to wordlessly offer her, no strings attached. "I know," she responded eventually, shocking herself with the words and the utter truth behind them.

"What do you know?" he shot back, teasing affection in his voice.

"That I'm safe," she replied, the multiple meanings loud.

Rick tensed for a split second, then relaxed again. "Know what I know?"

"What?" she asked, part of her grateful that he hadn't made a big deal out of her words.

"I know that you are beautiful, talented, extremely savvy... I know that you're damned good at your job and that even your Captain thinks you're the best officer he's had come through his force," he replied, stroking his hand down her back.

She tilted her head so she could look at him, pursing her lips, but even with a gentle smile on his face, there was absolute sincerity hiding behind the playful glint in his eyes. "You know, just because you keep flattering me doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with you."

"There is no flattery here, Detective, simply pure, unvarnished truth," Rick replied with an air of arrogance and assuredness. He paused for a moment, then said, "I don't have an injury story, but I have a pretty good story about being utterly terrified."

"Rick, you don't have to-"

His hand came up to cover her mouth, and Kate stopped talking immediately. "Alexis was... six, I think. We'd gone to the park, like every other day. It was probably about... three years after my divorce from Meredith, so it was just me and Alexis. I got talking to a mother about schools because Alexis was starting first grade in September. When I turned to find Alexis... she was gone."

Kate bit the inside of her cheek. He was right, this wasn't about an injury or a time when he was necessarily scared for his life, but she knew how much Alexis meant to the man in front of her. Alexis, besides Derrick Storm had probably been his entire world then. Losing her probably would have been just as bad as losing his life.

"My six year old daughter was gone. _Alexis_ was gone. I called for her, _screamed_ for her... I was already writing crime novels and this was _my daughter_."

Kate tightened her fingers on his back, reminding him she was there.

"Thankfully, she hadn't gone that far and she hadn't been kidnapped... but it took us almost a half an hour to find her. She'd managed to grab a book from her bag without me seeing and she'd wandered away to find a good spot to read. It was the first time I realized how stupid I was and the first time I'd been so impressed with how smart she was."

"You're not stupid," she corrected immediately.

"I was that day. I yelled at Alexis until I was blue in the face and she was red from crying, then I took her out for ice cream. I don't think she remembers what happened."

"Well, thank goodness for that."

"Hmm," he agreed with a small nod.

Kate looked up, unsurprised to find Rick lost in his thoughts, probably back in that fear of his missing daughter. It was too late at night to even consider calling Alexis now for her father's reassurance so she had to go with the next best thing. "Come on, that's enough deep thoughts for the night. I think I saw a Ben Stiller movie playing on repeat all night."

They moved to the couch, and this time, Kate didn't need an excuse to curl up against his side. Another much bigger barrier had fallen and much to her own surprise, for now, Kate was okay with that.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning, Kate woke to a crick in her neck and a pillow that moved. It took her brain more than a few moments to realize what had happened, where she was, and why her pillow was breathing. Rick Castle. She'd fallen asleep, watching a movie with Castle and it was his hand running through her hair. Kate froze, then mentally winced, realizing that it was exactly that movement that would clue him into the fact that she was awake.

"Morning," he greeted softly, his voice a rumble against her ear. His hand traveled down over her shoulder until it rested at her waist, keeping her from jumping away immediately.

"Morning," she answered tentatively, unable to stop the need to escape. She'd broken down some serious walls for him the previous night, and she needed time to put herself back together again after that.

Castle's hand stroked up and down her side, the soothing motion relaxing her body again. Since when did she let this man have all of the power over her? Slowly, tentatively, she allowed herself to relax and found her eyes fluttering closed again. They'd been up late and she was _tired_.

"Kate?"

"Hmm?"

"I want to take you out."

Her eyes flew open and she pushed herself upright, supporting hands resting on his chest. "What?"

He refused to meet her gaze, looking down instead at her hands. "I want you to let me take you out when we hit LA tomorrow."

She didn't know what to say. A big part of her wanted to scream 'yes', without questions and without thought, but another part of her was adamant that she think her answer through. She shifted until she was facing him as close to head on as she could. "You want to take me out?"

"Nothing too public," he promised her quietly, still refusing to meet her eyes. "Low-key, quiet, I promise."

Her brain raced. He'd actually asked her out. She'd never, in a million years, believed that he'd ever actually get the guts to do it, yet here she was. Kate managed to pinch herself subtly, out of his line of sight. Apparently she wasn't in a dream.

"I want to thank you," she heard him say. "For putting up with me."

"Rick," she said gently, a finger tracing the pattern on the couch cushion, fear welling up in her at the prospect of allowing Castle to 'take her out'. "You don't have to thank me. I already told you, I'm rather used to you pulling at my pigtails."

"Kate, come on," he cajoled, finally looking up at her.

There was a playfulness in his eyes that had been there since he'd picked her up for the trip and an underlying uncertainty that surprised her. Rick Castle wasn't the type to get upset if a girl turned him down. He'd just move onto the next one. It made her question even this need to 'thank her', as he'd put it.

"You promised I could say 'no'," she reminded him quietly.

"I hope you don't."

There was that damned sincerity again! He was killing her and making her swoon at the same time. She was still vulnerable from opening herself up the previous night, still without her usual defences against his charm, let alone any defences against this quiet vulnerability.

"Kate," he began quietly, gently, picking up one of her hands and gently tracing random figures with his thumb. "I have the entire afternoon to myself tomorrow, and I want to spend it with you. Please?"

She chewed her lip. This was the side of him she only saw with Alexis, and only caught glimpses of when she was having a rough go. The intensity he focused on her turned her on and overwhelmed her simultaneously.

"Okay," she finally answered softly, not even really believing the word had come out of her mouth. "But one misstep and I get my vacation back."

She was absolutely floored when he leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "You won't regret it."

* * *

She couldn't believe how fast her last day in San Francisco whirled by. It wasn't like she'd done anything particularly adventurous, but the next thing she knew, she was packing her suitcase the next morning for their flight to LA.

And her afternoon with Castle

Her stomach was in absolute knots about it as she folded her clothing carefully in her suitcase. Order was comfort to her, and it was calming to be methodically packing up her things.

"Kate?"

Her head snapped up, taking in everything spread across her bed and winced. There, in the corner, was the pile of bottom drawer secrets that Lanie had quite obviously shoved in her bag just prior to Kate's departure. With hasty hands, she reached for them, shoving them into her bag just as Rick poked his head into her room. He stood there for a few moments while she continued meticulously folding and packing. "You're watching me again," she said. "Is there something you wanted?"

He didn't reply. When she looked up at him there was a smile on his face she didn't recognize. It was softer, more amused. "I like watching you," he answered instead.

His candidness made her blush and she mentally cursed herself for the action. Usually the flush wasn't so quick to surface. "Well stop it," she murmured. "We're not at the precinct."

"Exactly. Which is what makes watching you here, away from work and the stress so much more… interesting," he replied

"Doing research again are we?"

He laughed quietly. "Kate, Kate, Kate, when are you going to learn that Nikki Heat is only _based_ on you."

She ruthlessly tamped down on the flush she could feel kicking around her cheeks. God, he was _killing _her with this flattery stuff! And why did he have to make it sound so low an intimate? She found herself reaching up to tuck a non-existent hair behind her ear. "Is that why you're still following me around?"

He merely grinned at her, a disarming tilt of his mouth that made her stomach flop. Instead of responding to her question, he said, "Hurry up." He stepped through the doorway. "Or we're going to be late!"

Kate chewed the inside of her cheek as she continued carefully packing everything away. He'd given her space the previous night, as if sensing that though he'd made some good steps behind her walls, she needed time to rebuild or she was going to get flighty. Kate had spent the night thinking about their afternoon, analyzing what it meant, trying to decide if she'd made the right decision. Even now, she didn't have an answer to that question.

She reached for the little black dress Lanie had all but forced her to bring, eyes widening as she caught sight of the red satin beneath. Her best friend had done more than encourage her to pack date clothing, she'd taken it upon herself to pack Kate appropriate underwear too. It seemed her uncharacteristic pause was enough for Castle to see there was something up, especially when she made much quicker work of packing the dress than she had the rest of her things.

His eyes narrowed. "What are you hiding, Detective?"

"Plenty," she retorted almost automatically, a smirk dancing on the corners of her mouth. The last thing she needed Rick seeing were the pieces of red satin and lace. She'd never live it down.

"Oh, I already know that," he replied with a disarming smile. "But I saw you try and hide something very red and probably very scandalous in that suitcase."

"What makes you so sure it was scandalous?"

"Other than the fact that you're about as red as whatever you shoved in there? The fact that you shoved it in your suitcase like a hot potato."

Kate hadn't even realized she was blushing. She tried to cover it up with her well-perfected eye roll. To his credit, he hadn't come to investigate on his own. "Lanie snuck in a couple of things without my consent."

That sent Rick's eyebrow into the air. "Does the good Doctor Parish know where you keep-"

"Don't even, Castle," she said, slamming her eyes closed. She'd walked into that! "Just… don't."

"I was going to ask if Lanie knew where your bathing suits were," he answered innocently.

She shot him a look that told him she didn't believe him in the slightest, but considering he'd just saved her from answering, she really couldn't throw stones. "You know exactly what swimwear I've brought with me, Rick," she reminded him.

"Well I haven't seen that one yet, which tells me you aren't even really comfortable wearing it. It's a shame, you know, to keep a body like yours hidden." His face went dreamy. "I can see it now…Red strings…."

She did everything in her power to hide her increased flush. Too bad what he was referring to wasn't a bathing suit. And too bad for her he'd inadvertently painted pictures of the two of them, her dressed only in that red. She mentally slapped herself. She _wasn't_ going to sleep with him. Right?

"So here's what I propose, Detective Beckett. First, we get settled at the hotel, then you slip into that red bikini. I'll get everything ready and then sweep you off your feet."

Kate rolled her eyes, ignoring the fact that he probably _could_ sweep her off her feet. Scarier than that? She'd probably like it too much for her own good. "You're only seeing a bikini like that in your dreams, Castle."

"Oh no, Kate. In my dreams, that bikini would only be on my floor."

He only barely missed being whacked with one of the decorative pillows on the bed.


	10. Chapter 10

"Parish."

Kate blew out an explosive sigh of relief as her best friend picked up the phone. Then, all in one breath, she said, "I'mgoingonadatewithCastle."

"Whoa, there girl. First of all, hello to you too."

The detective couldn't help the smile that tilted her lips. "Hey Lanie."

"That's better. Now that we've reminded you how to be polite on the phone, what did you say?"

"I'm going on a date with Castle."

There was silence for a moment. "A date?"

"Yeah."

"Like, he asked you out."

"Yup."

"And you accepted."

"Yes."

"You weren't coerced, threatened, blackmailed..."

"No."

"You weren't high or intoxicated?"

"Lanie!"

"What kind of date?"

"I don't know," Kate admitted, plopping down on to the couch of her new LA suite. It was certainly much more extravagant than San Francisco had been. LA certainly knew how to do glamorous better than San Francisco.

"He didn't tell you?"

"Okay, he did," Kate allowed. "A private beach."

"I _told_ you we should have gone bathing suit shopping!" Lanie exclaimed. "Thank goodness you have some half-decent bikinis."

Kate snorted in laughter. "Yeah, well he caught a glimpse of that other nice little present you left me to find."

"Me?" There was a smirk in the other woman's voice. "Why would I smuggle anything along with you?"

"You're just lucky he chalked it up to being a swimsuit. I'd be screwed if he found out it wasn't."

"Literally screwed, or figuratively?" the ME inquired.

Kate wrinkled her nose. "Probably both."

"And would that be such a bad thing?"

This was the hard part and the part Kate had been dreading most. She was going to have to tell Lanie everything that had happened in the last couple of days. She'd called her best friend for advice on what to do, on how to handle Castle and the afternoon alone with him on a private beach. She appreciated his consideration of her inherent shyness and hatred of everything paparazzi, but at the same time, it was a terrifying aspect in itself. There was a lot they could do on a private beach, a lot they could get away from.

"After the last couple of days, I'm not sure," the detective admitted quietly.

Lanie was quiet for a moment. "Look, you called for my advice, right?"

"Yeah," Kate breathed into the phone.

"Then here it is: let it go."

The brunette wrinkled her brow. "What?"

"This fear, this reluctance, this worry? Let it go. This is _Castle_, honey, and even if you don't want to sleep with him, you trust him. You trust him a lot. More than that, you _like_ him, so a few hours alone with him isn't going to rock anyone's boat. And think of this... out of all of the people in his life, our of all of the things to do, why you, and why this trip?"

She'd never thought of that before. Why _had _Castle been so insistent upon her presence for this trip? For the most part, she'd been left to her own devices so it wasn't necessarily because he wanted someone to come with him. He could have chosen some groupie, or had a contest if company was all he wanted. Plus, he knew full well that she wasn't about to just jump into bed with him so bringing her along as a bed partner had long been out of the question. He'd claimed it was to say thank you, claimed that she needed a vacation, but the way he'd acted since they'd arrived in California, the look in his eyes when he'd been all but begging her to spend the afternoon with him, told her that there was something else a-foot.

"Exactly," Lanie said, bringing her attention back to the conversation. "He _likes_ you, honey. A lot. And like I already said, you like him. There's nothing stopping either of you from indulging a little bit while you're away from home."

"And when we get back?"

Lanie chuckled slightly, as if she was in on a joke Kate certainly didn't understand. "When you get back, you take things from there."

"You make it sound so easy," Kate admitted on a sigh.

"Because it _is_ that easy. Girl, you have to stop over thinking. Take a chance. Live in the moment. _Carpe diem_." The ME paused. "You know you'll regret it if you don't."

Kate huffed. The worst part of it was, Lanie was totally right. She _did_ like Castle and he'd found out a way to get past her walls, walls that she'd put up years ago and fortified with years of experience. But here was a man, a compassionate, sweet, pain in the ass, and she was running scared. Where was the courage she'd had last night when they were sharing war stories? He knew some of her most intimate personal secrets and he could read her like no one else could.

"You're going to analyze it to death, Beckett," Lanie's stern voice floated over the line. "Go, have some fun, maybe make out with him a little, then come home and give me all the details. Now go! You have an afternoon with a hot writer to get ready for!"

* * *

Kate had to admit Richard Castle really did know how to charm a girl He took her to a completely secluded private beach. That was where they'd spent the last two hours He'd even treated her to a picnic, a picnic that had already been set out at a blanket when they'd gotten to the beach. She was overwhelmed.

Even then, he'd allowed her to choose what she wanted to do. It had been a relaxing couple of hours and she couldn't help but fall under his spell of sand and sun. They'd done everything from playing in the waves to building a sandcastle like children, to lounging around. It was the latter they were doing now, Kate with a book by her head as she dozed in the sun.

She jumped as Rick's hand slid over her back. "What are you doing, Castle?"

"Can't have such flawless skin getting red as a lobster," he replied, his voice a low rumble. "Relax, Kate."

She was already relaxing under his hands, muscles turning to butter. His hands were heavenly kneading her skin. She jumped as he snapped the back of her bathing suit. "Hey!"

"What happened to the red strings?" he asked her in a low murmur. "Not that _this_," his fingers ran over the strap across her back, "doesn't accentuate _all_ of your assets."

She rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses. "You can't be mature for more than five minutes, can you?"

"Because, Kate," Rick rumbled in her ear. "Mature is boring."

"Mmm." She couldn't stop the moan, both at his fingers and at his words. "Are you calling me boring?"

"Oh no. We both know I think you are the exact opposite of boring."

She knew exactly what was coming next, but she didn't expect the breathless tone.

"You, Katherine Beckett, are extraordinary."

She flipped over then, onto her back, simultaneously raising her sunglasses. "Are you trying to seduce me, Castle?"

Rick moved, faster than her eye could really track until he was leaning over her. "That depends," he said, straddling her body. "Is it working?"

Kate swallowed thickly, enveloped in all things Richard Castle. "Yes," she breathed.

The next thing that registered in Kate's head was that he was kissing her. Kate's mouth opened almost immediately under his, her hands coming up to his neck to hold him in place. Her body took over, meeting every thrust of his tongue with a parry of her own. His hands blazed trailed up and down her sides and her bare leg wrapped around his hip.

"My God, Kate…"

She didn't want to talk. They'd done more than enough talking. Hell, he'd been seducing her with words and innuendos since Day One. She hadn't been kidding when she'd told him that he had no idea things between them would be steamy, but she hadn't really anticipated being burned alive.

Rick tore his mouth away from hers, following her jaw line to her neck and her ear. Kate released a breathless whimper, her nails scraping down his back. He came back to her mouth, this time with a slow luxurious kiss that cooled the flame. Eventually he pulled back and Kate took in the glazed look in his eyes, the way his hair stuck out at odd angles from her fingers and his swollen lips. How on earth had she resisted _that_ for so long?

His hand came up, stroking her cheek. "Couldn't resist, could you?"

Instead of slugging him, she laughed, shaking her head against the sand. "Last time I checked you were the one that kissed me."

"Ah, but I have never made a secret of how utterly irresistible you are."

The blush raced over her face and she looked away from the intensity and truthfulness in his eyes.

"Kate?"

"Hmm?" Her fingers were tracing through his hair without the conscious permission of her brain.

"Can I take you to dinner?"


	11. Chapter 11

She hadn't given him an answer. He'd backed down almost immediately as panic choked the breath out of her, startling her. She'd almost had a panic attack right there, on that beach. She didn't know what to do. The fanciful part of her _wanted_ to let Rick take her out, _wanted_ to be the one on his arm, but the sensible side of her knew so much better. She didn't want to be exposed to the media frenzy that followed his book launches. She was already enough of a spectacle since she'd been exposed as his muse and she really wasn't in the mood for any more of her life to be scrutinized. She was an intensely private person. Rick had gotten used to not being.

But that was only the superficial. Kate played it safe. It was who she was, it was ingrained in her. She'd been through a lot of hurt in her life, some inadvertent, some she didn't even realize had cut deep until she discovered the after-effects years down the line. Rick fully had the potential to hurt her. If she let him in, if she opened up more than she had, there was no doubt in her mind that he had the power to utterly destroy her. He'd already turned her world upside down, more times that she preferred to think about.

Of course, the logical rational part of her knew that there was a chance – however slim - that she was over-reacting. Maybe it was just dinner. Maybe it wasn't meant to be anything more than a meal between friends.

_Oh, please, Katie-Girl. You're not that naive_.

No. No, she wasn't. She'd caught the changes in his gaze since take off. She was well-aware of the intensity he was showing her. She saw the differences in his interactions with her, but she saw those same changes in herself. The banter was still there, the innuendo and her less than calm reaction to it. But she'd opened up to him. She'd started to trust him with personal things instead of just relying and sticking to their interactions on the job. He hadn't done anything since then to make her regret her decision to start sharing.

And deep down, she'd enjoyed her evenings where she got to see the Rick he presented to only a few honoured individuals. She saw the Rick that Alexis experienced on a daily basis, the man that she only caught glimpses of when there was a problem with his mother or his daughter. It was, in some ways, an utterly humbling experience.

But it didn't help her make a decision.

* * *

Rick was not himself. He knew that, long before Gina started glaring at him across the room. He wasn't as flirty as he usually was at book launch parties, wasn't allowing women to hang off his arm at every turn. He was polite, gracious to fans that approached him for an autograph, and submitted to his now-signature signing of the chest, but all in all, he made no moves to single out any woman. He hadn't bought a drink for anyone other than Paula and Gina.

His mind wasn't on the launch. His mind was on the detective who still had not given him an answer. In some ways, he could understand Kate's reluctance. He'd been shadowing her too long not to see how carefully she guarded herself, and if he hadn't gotten that clue from the first few days with her, the point had certainly been driven home when he went digging into her mother's case. He'd learned his lesson and though they'd made some good connections, had stepped aside. It had paid off when she'd told him that no matter what happened with her mother's case, she wanted him there with her.

Things had been shifting between them long before he'd invited her to California. For one thing, she'd admitted that having him around was a nice change in her usual routine. She'd gotten used to having him around, and though he knew he shouldn't have, he'd read into her eyes, into the things she hadn't said. She _liked_ having him around. She _enjoyed_ the way he poked and prodded her, the way he teased her. And he'd made absolutely no secret about enjoying his time with her.

Then there had been the date that wasn't a date. He hadn't picked Drago necessarily on purpose. He truly had never expected her to be able to get a table there. He couldn't say he'd been all that upset when the case had interrupted them, nor had he really been able to keep himself from following her when she went to check up on it. His suggestion of Remy's when they'd closed the case had been because he'd been hungry. At the time, he'd had no alternative motive. But the minute she'd sounded so enraptured by the idea of a milkshake, that he'd been virtually unable to resist.

And they'd had a fantastic time. It hadn't been half as hard as talking to Amanda and they actually hadn't talked about a case. They'd talked about Martha and Alexis, about Ryan and Esposito, but nothing deep, dark, or personal. He'd gotten home much later than he'd originally anticipated and avoided telling his family that he and Kate had gone out after the case. For the first time in a long time, Rick wanted something for himself. He didn't want to think about bragging – not to mention the fact that he knew Alexis and his mother would automatically assume it was a date – he just wanted the chance to remember a good night, with an extraordinary woman.

His afternoon had gone off virtually without a hitch. Everything had been relaxed. He hadn't pushed her into anything she didn't want to do and he'd been more than happy to sit beside her and watch her read. Rick had not been able to resist using the excuse of sunscreen to get his hands on her and she didn't seem to mind all that much either. On the contrary, she'd relaxed into his hands and then...

He'd exploded. Kissing Kate was nothing like he'd imagined. He was a writer, a man that was never without a good turn of phrase or a masterful manipulation of the English language, and he couldn't narrow down the experience to any single descriptor. It was stupidly clichéd, but unlike Kate, he didn't mind the odd cliché here and there. He hadn't been able to stop himself from blurting out the dinner invitation.

She'd away immediately. More than that, she'd outright panicked at the idea of going out in public. Part of him could kind of understand that. The publicity was something he was so used to that he really didn't think twice about it but Kate... She was different. It was why he genuinely liked her, there was no question about that, but there was more to it than that. The panic had risen so quickly and so blatantly, that he hadn't pushed the issue.

But it certainly made Rick wonder. It came as no surprise to him that her relationships were affected by what happened with her mother, nor did it take a psychologist to realize that Sorenson's departure – the idiot – had cemented the idea that people she trusted left. It wasn't logical, but fear rarely was. He couldn't promise her forever, because, after two divorces and too many relationships to count, he wasn't sure he really believed in it himself. What he did believe in was trust, putting faith in other people, and recognizing that being weak was okay. Kate thought herself as invincible, which came as no surprise in her line of work, but he was more determined than ever to prove to her that he saw her as larger than life, even when she was having a tough day, even when she came to him, eyes red-rimmed after talking to her father.

It wasn't love, that much he was almost certain of. It was deep affection and an unshakable caring, but not love. Not yet. They hadn't been out enough, she hadn't let him in far enough, for him to seriously consider himself actually in love with her. But that didn't mean that he couldn't be. He could definitely see himself falling in love with Kate, leaving behind the bachelor lifestyle for a woman who continued to surprise him every day. But he'd have to convince her of that first. He was going to have to put his heart on the line for her.

"Is there a reason you're hiding in a corner?"

Rick looked up at Paula. "Hey."

"You're thinking about her again."

"I'm always thinking about her," he replied with a small smile. "This is her character, after all."

"Rick, why not just sleep with her?" Paula asked, exasperation slipping into her voice. "Get her out of your system?"

When he looked up at Paula, the woman gasped. Paula had seen what Rick had realized a long time ago.

He couldn't get Katherine Beckett out of his system.


	12. Chapter 12

Kate was not asleep.

She'd woken at the stupid hour of five am and hadn't been able to drop off again. Her mind was a blur of arguments and counter arguments all centering around the same fundamental question:

Did she want to go to dinner with Rick Castle?

She'd been through the debate too many times in her head to count. Heck, it was all she'd really been able to think about since he'd posed the question to begin with. She knew the pros and cons by heart, knew that while Detective Beckett knew better than to even consider getting involved with someone unreliable, Kate had genuinely enjoyed their time together. And she couldn't deny that she had responded to his advances thus far. She'd cuddled with him, talked with him, been vulnerable with him and even kissed him. There really was nothing in front of her that should hold her back.

How many times had she dreamed of Rick taking her on a date? How many times had she seen the tender side of him she was seeing here in California and thought it was a side of him she could easily fall for?

These were the thoughts and questions that had been plaguing her for going on two hours now and Kate was nowhere closer to coming up with an answer to his dinner invitation. It definitely wasn't a concern that he'd overwhelm her - he'd done it more than once already - and it wasn't any sort of worry that whatever he had in mind would be out of her comfort zone. He'd proven with their beach date that he knew her too well to subject her to anything he wasn't totally positive wouldn't send her running or shock her too terribly...

This was something else entirely, something Lanie had alluded to more than once and something Rick himself had implied when she'd asked him why he was so set on putting up the money for her trip: there was an ulterior motive to her presence on this particular trip.

With that in mind, and determination making her blood throb in her veins, Kate threw off her covers. She ignored the fact that she was still in her pajamas and headed for the adjoining door. She had one question for Rick, and she had a feeling his answer would make up her mind.

* * *

It was an ungodly hour when the pounding started in his head. It took him a few minutes to realize that the pounding _wasn't_ actually his head, but someone banging on a door. It took him another couple of sleepy minutes to determine that it was coming from the adjoining door between his room and Kate's. Which meant there was only one person trying to get his attention at seven in the morning.

"Kate?" he called as he stumbled into his main room. "Is everything okay?"

"Open the door."

"I'm working on it," he answered, his brow knitting together with how touchy she seemed to be. He took her in carefully, leaning on the door. Kate seemed to be perfectly fine, at least physically. She was dressed in shorts and a tank, obviously having just pulled herself out of bed too. "What are you doing up so early?"

"Couldn't sleep," she replied tersely.

He couldn't stop his eyebrow from going up or his mind from diving down into the gutter. "Did you –"

But Kate's hand came up and he shut his mouth immediately. "Just..." She blew out a heavy breath. "Why did you invite me to come?"

Rick blinked. "I'm sorry?"

"You heard me, Castle," Kate replied, her hands twisting in front of her. "Why were you so insistent I come to California with you?"

There was something a little wild in her eyes, something that unnerved him. It was overshadowed by a sheer determination he'd only ever seen focused on one case, and one case only. She was not going to let him get away with not answering the question with anything less than the truth. Yet, he felt like he needed to put on a few conditions, warn her that she may not be ready to hear his wholly truthful answer.

"Kate…"

"No. I need to hear this, Rick. I need you to tell me the honest answer."

He sucked in a deep breath. "I promise," he said, reaching out for her cheek. "I promise to tell you, but I need you to be sure you want to hear this. Because once I give you the answer, the real answer, I can't take it back."

There was a shift in her eyes, fear and knowledge sparking there with the rest of the emotion in her gaze.

His fingers brushed the soft skin of her cheek as he took a deep breath. "Because I care about you, Kate," he breathed. "I care a lot."

They stood in that tableau, Rick with his hand cupping her cheek, his emotion as raw as he would allow himself to make them. She needed to see it in his eyes, needed to see how serious he was about it, but he couldn't bare all of himself. With Kate, as much as he did care about her, as close as he was to loving her, he had the potential of scaring her off if he exposed too much. And he knew, if he scared her off, he'd be lucky to get her back.

"Why now?" she asked, her voice just as quiet, almost broken.

"Because I had the opportunity," he answered without having to think about it. "We're away from work here, we're away from prying eyes of friends and family… It's just us." He paused. "I've never made a secret of wanting you, Kate, you've just never taken me seriously." He stepped slightly closer to her enough to be able to breathe in her scent. "I want the chance to explore things between us. I'm not just flirting, here."

"I know," she promised, her eyes locked on his. He'd been showing her that for days. "I just… I don't want to rock the boat."

Rick wondered if she was aware how much she'd just revealed to him. Kate was a big fan of the status quo, she was a big fan of being able to predict things. Things between them prior to California had been good. Honestly, he could relate. What would happen if they couldn't make things work between them? Would they be able to work together? But he was better at shoving those fears aside in favour of what he did feel when he was with her.

"I think we'll be good together," he whispered. "I just need you to give it a chance."

He could see the battle going on in her eyes. Eventually, they cleared. "Okay, Rick."

"Okay what?" he managed to get out around the lump in his throat.

"I'll let you take me to dinner."


	13. Chapter 13

Rick nervously shoved a hand in the pocket of his suit pants. Nervousness was a foreign concept to him, something he wasn't and really had never been used to. In his life, vulnerability had never gotten him anything and being nervous was an emotion that opened him up to hurt, to disappointment. He'd never had a problem with women either. Women liked him, and he liked women so he'd never really been in a position where he had any chance of a move not paying off.

But Detective Kate Beckett wasn't an ordinary woman, a fact she'd proven way too many times for him to be unaware of it. True, she had some fangirl in her, something that had only popped up in a few instances, but all in all Kate was largely immune to the arsenal of charms that had gotten him whatever he wanted in the past. And if he was honest, it was one of the things that had first drawn him to her.

But it made his life extremely difficult when it came to planning an honest to God date with the woman. The beach had been an easy stroke of genius, but dinner was something else entirely. Dinner had to be intimate, but he knew Kate wasn't one for over-indulging either. She didn't need the richest of restaurants or the most sophisticated dress-code. Wining and dining to his favourite detective meant some place classy, but simply so, a place where she could dress up without breaking his bank account. He'd looked high and low for a place like that.

Then there was the usual date traditions. He wasn't concerned about kissing her at the end of the night, it was the prep work that concerned him. He had pondered for almost half an hour on a flower before finally settling on a handful of gladiolus flowers. They were unconventional, colourful and beautiful.

He closed his eyes, wiping his sweating hand on the inside of his pocket before finally reaching out to knock on Kate's hotel room door.

Rick couldn't stop his jaw from dropping when Kate pulled open the door. He was a famous writer, he'd seen his fair share of women, and hot women at that, but it had been a long time since a woman had outright stunned him. But Kate Beckett, standing in front of him in a little black dress was stunning. He'd seen her in a hot pink number, in a blue tight-fitting cocktail dress, but this was something else entirely. This wasn't Kate dressing to impress or knock him dead, and that in itself was sexy.

She chewed her lip. "Um, Rick? You keep looking at me like that you're going to start catching flies."

He shook his head, finally stepping towards her, one hand coming out to rest on her hip. "You look…" He didn't have the words. Beautiful wasn't good enough, gorgeous didn't seem to work either and even breath-taking didn't explain his entire thought process.

"What?" she asked in a breathless whisper.

"Magnificent." It was the best she was going to get on a moment's notice.

"I'm glad Lanie made me pack this," she confessed, pulling at the skirt. The bodice of the dress hugged her upper curves perfectly, the wide scoop-neck showcasing her collarbones in a way that made Rick long to run his tongue along the skin. Settled in the hollow where the bones met was a single diamond. For Kate, considering what he'd seen her wear in the past, the dress was conservative, but it played up a beauty he'd always seen in her as completely natural.

The detective blushed a pretty shade of pink as she let him look. "You don't do so bad cleaning up yourself, Rick."

His smile was soft as he held up the flower for her, then pulled it away from her reaching hand.

"You bring me flowers and then won't let me have them?" she questioned, the corner of her mouth tilting upwards slightly.

"I have a special place for this," he told her, simply grinning at the raised eyebrow he got in response. Rick moved further into the room, allowing the door to close behind him. "Turn around," he requested.

Kate did, albeit slowly. She'd pinned her hair up and back and Rick very, very carefully, tucked the flower into the pins. His fingers drifted down the delicate skin of her neck and over her shoulders. He felt the shiver drill down her spine. Leaning down to her ear, he whispered. "Perfect."

She was smiling, still that pretty shade of pink when she turned back to him. "Thank you."

He held out his arm. "Ready?"

"Lead on, Rick."

* * *

Katherine Beckett had been effectively swept off her feet. She hadn't experienced the full Richard Castle experience, that much she was sure of, but she still felt like the prettiest girl in the room. It was certainly quite the feeling when it came to Rick. He hadn't taken her to the most expensive of restaurants, nor had he whisked her away to the most exclusive LA hotspots. It had been a nice place without being too upscale. Kate was completely relaxed as they wandered down the hall to their hotel rooms. Her smile was shy as she stopped in front of her door.

"Well, Mr Castle, I must say, I enjoyed myself tonight," she said softly.

Rick's smile was gentle as he faced her. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."

"You had doubts?" she teased in the same vein they'd been doing all night. They may have been on a date, but it wasn't much different than most of the working dinners they'd shared, or even the ones they'd shared as friends. She hadn't realized he'd been so nervous.

"You are not easy to impress, Detective," he responded, slipping his hands into hers. "I never know how you're going to react."

She was a little taken aback and she tried her very best to hide it. He always came off as so confident, so assured of himself in a date night situation, she'd simply assumed it would be the same with her. The idea that she, a plain NYPD homicide detective that dealt with death and broken lives day in and day out, was able to rattle the great Richard Castle… It was a thrill and simultaneously humbling.

"Well," she said quietly, squeezing his hands. "Consider me impressed."

The grin that spread across Rick's face made Kate's stomach flip and her heart beat faster.

"Mission accomplished," he whispered, stepping closer.

Her head tilted back, her slightly smaller than normal heels forcing her to look up to meet his gaze. But it wasn't simple eye contact he was going for as his hand spanned her lower back. Kate's eyes slid closed as Rick kissed her gently, tugging her body snugly against his. She wrapped her free arm around his neck, leaning up and into him slightly. Their other hands stayed clasped at their side and he squeezed her hand as he pulled out of the kiss.

"We're getting good at that," he said softly, rubbing his nose sweetly against hers.

Kate bit down on her lip for a moment, considering her response before diving in. "Practice makes perfect."

His grin was almost lecherous as he kissed her again, this time putting more oomph behind the action. She let go of his hand to thread her fingers through his hair. The other was still wrapped around his neck, and she felt the heat of his recently released hand settle between her shoulder blades. She arched into his body, into his heat as his tongue slid between her lips.

God, he was a good kisser.

It was Rick who slowly pulled back. One hand came up to cup her cheek, stroking gently over her skin. "I think we should head inside," he said quietly.

Honestly, Kate wasn't so sure, but she knew logically it was the best idea. Her hand slid around over his shoulders until they rested on his chest. "You're probably right."

"Thank you," he told her, moving to rest his forehead against hers. "You are an incredible date."

She smiled shyly.

"Maybe…" Rick paused, before sucking in a deep breath. "Maybe we could try that again. When we're back in New York."

She bit the inside of her cheek a moment. "I think… I think I'd like that."

With a wide and bright smile, Rick pressed a sweet kiss to her cheek as he pulled away from her. "Until tomorrow, Kate."

She chuckled lightly. "Night Rick."


	14. Chapter 14

Kate smiled shyly as Rick's thumb stroked over her hand. It had been like this all morning, this shy affection. Things were tenuous, fragile between them, too new and shiny to have any real strength. Their friendship was a foundation, yes, but this… this was something else. Rick knew Kate didn't want to rock the boat, she'd admitted as much to him. He was playing it safe, careful, for her own security and peace of mind and to decrease the painful drama that was inevitable if he did rock her boat too much. Each time he had, she'd closed down.

It was also why, for the first time in his writing career, he made arrangements to sneak out of the back of their hotel, Kate's hand in his, and in the back of LAX to avoid the public and the paparazzi. Paula had looked at him in confusion, but he'd simply smiled disarmingly. Things had changed.

"So I was thinking," he murmured as they sat in the first class lounge, lifting her hand to kiss the back of it gently. "We land just in time for dinner."

One of Kate's eyebrows went up. "Oh?"

"Mmhmm," Rick replied, thrilling at the sparkle that shone in his eyes. "I was thinking since we agreed to try last night's date on home turf that you should come for dinner with me."

Kate's cheeks went an adorable shade of pink. "You've been away for a week," she replied quietly. "You should spend some time with your daughter."

He felt his heart fall slightly.

"Rick, don't," she said quietly, squeezing his hand. "I know how much Alexis means to you."

"You mean a lot to me too."

Her blush intensified.

"Alexis won't mind," he continued, heart lifting at the idea that he could convince her to do dinner. "She could come with us."

"Rick…" Her body had tensed.

"Or not," he backpedalled quickly. Kate had never been against a meal with his daughter, but he guessed that maybe the new circumstances put some sort of new pressure on her.

Kate chewed her lip slightly. It was kind of endearing to see how much he wanted to have dinner with her that evening. And it didn't take a genius to see it. He didn't really want to let her go. She bit her cheek hard to keep her little smile from blooming across her face. She could understand he was nervous. They were back in New York, in their real lives, away from the fantasy of California and he was worried that if he let her go she wouldn't come back again. She could see the logic in it. She hadn't stopped to think about what they were doing unless she was alone. That morning had been the first time she'd thought about what exactly she was doing. She'd been curled up under the blankets and allowed herself to get lost in her thoughts about dating Rick Castle and had almost scared herself until he'd knocked on her door. She'd greeted him with a shy smile and he'd responded with a gentle kiss.

"I'll think about it," she finally said in agreement, just as they called their flight. She smirked as she stood, tugging on his hand to get him to stand. "Plus, if we're not careful, we're going to get sick of each other."

She hadn't meant it as anything other than playful banter, but when he stood, his eyes were serious. He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her body against his. Rick pressed his mouth to hers, managing to slip his tongue into her mouth. Kate's breath caught as a hand came up to cup the side of his neck. He pulled back with a hum and a smile, even as his blue eyes stayed serious.

"I will never get sick of you, Kate."

* * *

Their flight was smooth, even as Kate's nerves make him chuckle. He held her hand as they waited for their luggage at the carousel.

"Rick Castle!"

Rick stiffened, eyes darting to Kate. She'd stiffened with him, aware of the squeal in the voice that had called his name. His eyes fell closed as he whispered, "Can't a guy pick up his luggage in peace?"

Her smile was tight, but there.

"Mr Castle, is it true?"

His brow wrinkled in confusion as he faced the man behind him, a notebook in his hands. Kate's hand slipped from his, her focus on the luggage carousel. He focused on the man. "Is what true?"

"That's her!" a woman squealed, a different voice from the first, "The woman in the picture! Nikki Heat!"

Rick met Kate's eyes, the latter panicking. Her eyes asked the same question he knew had to be on his face: _what picture_?

"Rick."

He turned to Paula, the woman holding out her iPhone. There, on a blog page Rick recognized was a picture of him and Kate in their kiss at LAX. He barely resisted the urge to swear. He hissed as Paula's nails dug into his arm. "Paula."

"Get her out of here," his agent told him. "I'll handle the luggage."

There was nothing in the world that could make him more thankful for the raven-haired woman beside him as his attention focused solely on his detective. He took Kate's elbow.

"Chris is outside waiting for you. He knows you're coming," Paula explained lowly. "Go."

Rick pushed Kate along, weaving in and out of crowds, glancing at his companion's tight face. He almost pulled her back when he caught sight of the reporters outside and his driver standing at the back door of his towncar. Instead, he took a deep breath. "We're going to push through them," he told Kate quietly. "Hang on to the back of my shirt, don't say anything." He couldn't stop himself from pressing a kiss to her head, then he was pulling her through the shouting crowd.

"Rick, Detective Beckett! Over here!

"How long have you two been dating?"

"Was this really a book launch trip or a honeymoon?"

"Detective! Is he as fantastic as the rumours claim?"

"What will this mean for Nikki Heat?"

Rick just barely resisted the urge to growl as Chris pulled open the door. He swung Kate around in front of him, then followed her in. He immediately reached for her hand, well aware she was spooked. "Kate-"

She shook her head, stopping his words and his breath in his chest. "Just…"

He wanted to yell. There was no way he was going to be able to convince her to go to dinner with him now, that much he knew. She was too overwhelmed. But he was afraid to let her go now, afraid that if he did, that would be it, that she wouldn't ever again think of the two of them together. He kept his hand tight in hers. "Paula's getting your luggage then-" He swallowed thickly. "Then we'll take you home."

And he could only pray this wouldn't make her change her mind completely.


	15. Chapter 15

It was with almost outright dread that Kate made her way into the precinct Monday morning, more because she'd had to avoid one too many reporters outside of her building than anything else. When she'd gotten home the previous afternoon, she'd made a beeline for her computer and looked up what on earth had tipped off the press. Sure enough, a handful of the Richard Castle fansites had full out pictures of her and Rick kissing in the airport. She felt tears flood her vision.

She'd known then that their lives were incompatible and it hurt more than she was really willing to admit. She was intensely private and she liked it much better that way. This… The idea that there would be people trying to pry into every facet of her life was disconcerting to say the least. Sure, she often did the same thing, but it was within the parameters of her job. She ripped lives apart in the name of justice and she didn't broadcast what she found to the world. The kiss had been a private moment between them and it was published on the damn internet!

To his credit, even when she returned to work, Rick said nothing personal to her all day. He hadn't bothered her on the weekend, and when they were at work, he kept things strictly professional, something she was actually grateful for. Still, she wasn't stupid or naïve. They were going to have to have a conversation, and as she caught his eyes trailing Esposito and Ryan's departure for the night, she knew it was coming.

"I was thinking," he murmured and she slammed her eyes closed against the feeling of his breath against her and the knowledge that she was going to hurt him. But her first priority was always protecting her heart. "Since we didn't get to dinner the other night, we could try tonight."

"I can't," she whispered, both the truth because she'd already had plans and truth because, well, she wasn't willing to open herself up to being public fodder.

"Kate-"

She shook her head. "No, Castle."

He winced at his last name, but then came back, forcing her eyes to meet his and the determination in them. "Don't do this Kate. Things between us were good. We have fun together, we're _good_ together."

"_Don't_," she exclaimed with surprising strength. "Look, we're not in California, okay?"

He tried not to bite his tongue. This was exactly what he'd been afraid of a few days ago. "What do you mean, 'we're not in California'?"

Kate let out a heavy sigh. "Thank you," she said quietly, "for taking me on this trip. But this isn't Hollywood, this is New York and we have to go back to our real lives."

"I'm not asking you to marry me, Kate, I'm asking you to dinner." He was genuinely upset. He _hated_ that she was curling in on herself.

She caught sight of Lanie by the door, acknowledging her best friend's wave with the tilt of her head. Kate had put her best friend off all weekend and so Lanie had given her no choice but to agree to dinner. Rick followed her eyes before spinning back to her, pain obvious. She sucked in a deep breath, fortifying herself against his pain. "We're too different," she said quietly. "I can't do the spotlight, I can't do the book tours. I can't do the fan girls, the cameras, the publicity, I just… I can't."

She grabbed her coat and headed towards Lanie, forcing herself to swallow the lump of tears in her throat. She had to be strong, just for a little bit longer.

"What did you say to him?"

Lanie sounded utterly shocked, and looked it when Kate met her gaze. "What do you mean?"

"He looks… shattered."

"He'll bounce back," Kate replied forcing her shoulders to stay stiff. She wasn't going to let her body give away how much it had hurt to walk away. Things had been good between them in California and now… Well she hadn't been lying. They were back to their usual lifestyles and Kate now knew her quiet private life was incompatible with Rick's. It wasn't about personality, because they'd proven things between them would be explosive, it was about everything else.

Lanie didn't look convinced.

"It's nothing, Lanie," she repeated. "Can we just go?"

"Yeah," Lanie replied quickly, linking arms with Kate. "Yeah, let's go." The ME shot a highly apologetic glance back towards the writer, almost stopping Kate when she caught sight of the utterly shattered look on his face. Lanie managed to keep her mouth shut until the elevator started to descend. Then she whirled on her best friend. "What the hell was that?"

"What was what?" Kate asked, her body sagging.

"Spill it," the ME ordered. "The whole story. Now."

"There's nothing to tell," the other woman said on a sigh.

"Don't you lie to me Katherine Beckett," Lanie scolded. "That scene I am now quite irritated I walked in on wasn't 'nothing'. It was 'something' if I ever saw 'something'." Lanie paused and when Kate didn't volunteer an answer, she sighed. "Kate, I'm pretty sure I just watched you break Richard Castle's heart."

The detective's eyes slammed closed. She hadn't liked it either, any of the conversation, but she hadn't had a choice! Her time in California had forced her to confront the fact that things between her and Rick weren't just physical. They'd both implied more than once that if something exploded between them, it wouldn't be just one night and Rick knew she was a one-and-done girl. She did relationships, not flings. Rick… he was different. He had two marriages under his belt, his only stable female influences in his mother and his daughter. He was a serial dater, end of story. Kate sighed heavily.

"I would have had to have his heart to break it," the detective replied quietly.

"Seriously? _That's_ the crap you're going to try and feed me?" Lanie asked with a raised eyebrow. "Do I look stupid to you? Or blind?"

Kate rolled her eyes as she exited the elevator ahead of her friend. "This is Richard Freaking Castle, Lanie. I'm just Kate Beckett."

The ME gasped, stepped in front of her friend and stopped dead. Her eyes flared, her mouth set in a grim line. "You are not just Kate Beckett to that man," she told Kate. "You have _never_ been just Kate Beckett. You are his heroine, his inspiration, his extraordinary KB." Lanie shook her head as Kate opened her mouth to speak. "No. I've let you deny it to yourself long enough. He's half way in love with you, girl. And you're more than half way in love with him."

"Lanie." It was the quiet tone that actually made the ME shut her mouth. Kate allowed her best friend to see her inner turmoil. "Please," the detective begged. "Please don't make this any harder than it already is."

"Then why are you doing it?" Lanie asked in disbelief.

Kate breathed out heavily. "Because, Lanie. It would never work."

Lanie pursed her lips. "Usually, this little torn heart look you've got goin' on would be my first clue to back off and let you wallow in your little make-believe world where you don't realize how utterly complementary you two are, but this…" She shook her head. Kate had been so incredibly excited about her date with Castle and she'd seemed almost dreamy. "I can't just let this go, girl, not this time."

"This is the one time I _need_ you to let it go," Kate groaned.

"No," Lanie replied forcefully. "Look, girl, you've been dancing with Writer Boy since before I met the man and even when I did, I could _tell_ there was… something different. So what on earth changed between now and the phone call I got a couple of days ago from a woman over the moon about going on a date with Castle?"

"She was effectively doused with an extremely cold bucket of reality," Kate almost snapped.

"In what form?" Lanie pushed. "Details, Kate."

Kate paused.

"I'm your best friend. If you can't tell me, who can you tell?"

Finally, the detective moved.

"Kate!"

The brunette kept a swift pace out of the precinct and down the street to the corner store. Once there, she grabbed the paper, flipping through it quickly and efficiently while ignoring the glare they were getting from the guy behind the cash. Finally, she found what she was looking for, folding the paper so that she could hold the picture out for Lanie.

To her credit, the coroner didn't flinch at the picture or the display. She kept a completely straight face as she took in the photo, reaching out to take the paper from Kate. After a moment of staring at the picture she cocked her head to the side. "I can't decide what to ask first, whether the kiss is as good as it looks or how the hell you maintain an ass like that."

Lanie's comment was so different from what Kate had predicted that she couldn't help but guffaw with laughter.

"It's no wonder Writer Boy stares so often." Lanie cocked an eyebrow, turning the paper to face her friend. "So now I can ask, is this kiss as good as it looks?"

Kate's blush was answer enough and Lanie laughed.

"So this is the problem?" the ME asked, tapping the page.

"The kiss? No. The trip? No. The fact that the picture exists and was on the internet probably within seconds of it happening…?" She didn't have to finish the sentence.

Lanie replied the paper slowly and deliberately, taking her time in folding it back up and putting it back on the stand. It gave her time to think, to try and figure out the most effective plan of attack to get her best friend to see what she and the rest of New York saw when she and Castle were together.

There was no doubt in Lanie's mind that all of the issues Kate was battling with were very real to her and, admittedly, Lanie couldn't imagine the threat of having her life spread across the society pages for all to see. Especially with someone like Kate who guarded her life better than Fort Knox. But at the same time, Lanie didn't want Kate to throw away a guy who so obviously adored her. And he brought out a side of Kate that lightened the detective, kept her from delving so completely into her work.

"Look, girl, this… It's not a reason to run scared. I get that the press is a big deal," she continued as Kate opened her mouth to protest, "but think of it like this: he _has_ to do publicity, there's no doubt about that, but he was so careful in California to keep you away from that even as he did everything in his power to woo you while you were there. More than that, he's been conspicuously absent from the tabloids separate from the necessary publicity for Summer Heat. We both know he _chooses_ to be plastered all over the tabloids. He goes out of his way to be there, to get the publicity, to get the attention."

Kate shook her head.

"So then it's about…?" Lanie asked with a raised eyebrow. "The girls? The man's been married twice. Granted, burned twice and so, psychology 101 says that he doesn't want to get hurt again and that's why he dates around instead, but he's just as scared as you are. And Alexis? Would he introduce you to the most important person in his life if he didn't think you were going to be around? I bet he's only introduced her to a handful of his tabloid bimbos."

"Half of this is the chase, Lanie. It's a game to him."

The coroner actually rolled her eyes. "Think of it this way then," she said. "He may be the man with two marriages, but he's also the man with two _marriages_."

Kate shook her head. "It's too much, Lanie. There's too much pressure, there's…"

"Too much at stake?" the ME shot back with a raised eyebrow. "Sometimes the risk is worth it."

"Lanie." This time, Kate's voice was sharp, irritated. "Drop it."

Lanie huffed. She didn't want to. She _really_ didn't want to, but she could tell by the look on Kate's face that her friend was shutting down, blocking her out, and pushing her would only end up in a fight between them. She didn't want to fight; she wanted Kate to see that Castle was a good thing for her, that he really cared about her. She blew out an exasperated breath. She'd drop it.

For now.

Lanie linked her arm with Kate's. "Come on. Dinner and drinks on me."


	16. Chapter 16

Kate sat at home hours later, wrapped up in a blanket, definitely not paying any attention to the television she had on. Her eyes were fixed on the bookshelf in her living room, on the shelf she had dedicated to twenty-six novels. Lanie's words hadn't stopped skating through her head. There was so much there, and she was just as torn. She wanted Rick. There was no doubting that, there was no way to deny it. Yet, there was so much wrong with that scenario. There were so many things between them that were too different.

She winkled her brow as a knock sounded on her apartment door. Glancing at the clock, she shed her blanket to get her door. She almost rolled her eyes when she saw who it was. Nevertheless, she pulled the door open anyway. It would have been rude not to. "What is it, Castle?"

"Now it's Castle?" he asked, calling her out on the defense mechanism with an arched eyebrow. "Last week it was Rick."

"Last week we weren't in New York, back to the real world," she retorted.

"I don't want to have this discussion half in your hallway." His words were short, clipped, to-the-point, totally different than the eloquence he usually preferred.

With reluctance, aware that this was _exactly_ the kind of confrontation she was avoiding, Kate stepped back, allowing him into her apartment. Here, it was just the two of them. There was no reason to avoid making a scene, to avoid yelling at each other. There was no way she could avoid a private conversation in her apartment, the door closed. He'd backed her into a corner, trapped her in her own apartment. She was surprised when he left his coat on, but turned to face her, folding is arms over his chest. She mirrored the action after closing and reluctantly locking her door.

"There is no difference between our lives in New York and our lives in California," he told her, once again surprising her by jumping right to the point. "Our real lives are the same there as they are here."

"Everything is different here," she contradicted in the same short terms, her eyes defiantly meeting his. "We're not people on vacation, we have very real jobs, very real family, very real lives outside of sun and sand."

"This is about something else," he accused. "The place doesn't matter."

"We don't live in a fantasy world, Castle," she said, looking down at her feet. "We can't recreate a fantasy just because we want to."

He rolled his eyes. She'd only ever seen him do that when she wasn't playing along with his game, when she wasn't letting him have his fun. But this time, she sensed this wasn't actually about her being a spoilsport. He was genuinely annoyed. "I thought we were working on making your so-called 'fantasy' into a reality. At least until you shut me down."

"Look, we're different," she snapped cutting to the chase. "You and me… we don't work. I'm serious, you're very, very much not. You can't take anything seriously, not even a damned _gunfight_."

He watched her carefully. "We all have our own ways of dealing with terrifying situations, _Detective_. You of all people should know that."

She met his eyes, saw the pain, the struggle within them. "You're very, very public. I'm very, very private."

This time, Rick's eyes fell closed, regret fluttering across his face. "I know that."

"And we can't change that," she said, relieved she'd gotten that much through.

"But that's not good enough," he told her, eyes opening again and meeting hers head on. "You've done interviews before, for _Heat Wave_. And I've never asked you to do anything you didn't want to do, never deliberately subjected you to it and I'm not about to start now."

Kate sucked in air silently, ignoring the very real and true point he'd made. "It's more than enough," she whispered, referring to their differences.

"No," he replied sharply. "It's not. Because we've made it clear that we can have a good time together, that we enjoy each other's company, that we need each other in our lives."

"Castle…" she began, shaking her head.

"Oh come on, Kate," Rick interrupted. "You think I let go of 'a certain British spy' because my writing was that important to me? You think I stayed around because of _Nikki Heat_? You think I didn't see the struggle you went through when Coonan had a gun to my back? I _knew_ it would be easier for me to walk away. And that time? That time I tried, I damned _tried _to walk away, but you told me you wanted me around. When you chose me over finding your mother's killer, when you decided to take a chest shot instead of shooting his gun arm… I _knew_ Kate. I knew there was more there. So I stayed. _Because you asked me to_."

Kate opened her mouth, but he wasn't anywhere near done.

"I told you in California that I wanted you on that trip with me. I wanted you to relax, but I wanted you there because I wanted a chance to show you that we're good together. Outside of work, outside of the precinct, in the real world where we're not bogged down by murders and death. We're _good_ together and you're standing there, willing to throw all of that away."

"Just because we're good together, doesn't mean that we'll work," she told him when she was sure he'd finished his rant.

She jumped when he let out an exasperated growl, closing the distance between them swiftly, grasping her arms in both of his hands. "Damnit, Kate, what the hell are you afraid of?"

Her eyes had widened at the grip on her skin. He was actually _angry _with her. "What?" she asked softly, voice too small to be her own.

"This isn't about the press or about our differences, this is about fear. You're scared. Hell, you're freaking terrified, and I can't, for the life of me, figure out why."

"You can't figure out why?" she asked with bitter laughter. "It's not fear, Castle. It's logic. We're two very different people. You don't fit into my life, and I don't fit into yours."

There was another growl of anger and exasperation before he said, "Katherine Beckett, you are the _stupidest_ smart person I know."

The exclamation took her off guard and she stared at him, stunned for a moment before she got her wits about her. "What did you call me?"

He shook his head, his grip softening. "It doesn't matter."

"Oh no, Castle, it matters," she said, voice sharp.

Rick's sigh was one of exasperation. "You are brilliant Kate, but when it comes to this, when it comes to people… sometimes you can be so _stupid_."

"You really did," she said almost in shock. "You really called me stupid."

"Twice," he agreed, ignoring the fire that lit in her eyes.

"You called me brilliant, but you called me stupid. Make up your mind," she snapped, stepping back and away from him before he could catch her.

"I want you."

The fight sagged out of her and she turned weary and wary eyes on him. She'd thought about it, all of it, during her weekend alone and there wasn't a scenario she could come up with that would get them out of this mess. She wasn't willing to face the public, and there was no way she would even consider asking him to give up the public he did love so much. She couldn't deal with the rumours, with the fact that there was always the chance that there were alternative motives. But she couldn't lie either. "I know that."

He stepped closer. "Tell me the truth. Do you want me?"

"You know I do," she replied without hesitation. Really, neither of them had made a secret of that over the years and she couldn't deny it after their kisses and their date in LA. It wasn't attraction that held them back, it was everything else.

"Do you trust me?"

"You're my partner," she replied, the answer to his question meant to be implied.

He shook his head. "Say it, Kate."

"You've always had my back. You've never let me down."

"You can't say it."

He said it with such absolute shock that she had to lock her knees against their shaking. More than that, she felt her own shock race through her system. She did trust him, didn't she? But if she did, why couldn't she tell him that?

Rick ran a hand through his hair. "Do you trust anyone, Kate? Or have you retreated so far into yourself that you can't tell which way is up anymore."

"That's not fair!" she yelled, her temper swelling quickly.

"It's not? Then tell me I'm lying!" he yelled back at her. "Tell me I'm wrong, that you can trust, that you can take a leap of faith, that you'll believe me when I tell you this isn't a game or a chase to me, but something _real_."

Kate's jaw dropped. "What?"

"This isn't a game to me, Kate. This isn't about the chase, about the character, about a notch on my bedpost because we both know if I really, really wanted to, if I'd really poured on the charm, if you'd really only meant a good lay to me, we would have screwed each other senseless long ago." He took a deep breath, like he was centering himself. "Things between us are real and yeah, they're intense, I can't deny that, and even I'm scared, hell, _terrified_, but I'm not ready to just give up and walk away at the first sign of trouble."

Kate stood there, unsure of what to say.

"I can't change who I am Kate, and I've never pretended to be someone I'm not. You've seen all sides of me, each and every one, and yet you're standing there, too scared to trust. Too scared to _believe_."

His eyes were intense, blue, and Kate felt herself getting sucked in. And she wasn't sure she really wanted to stop.

Rick shifted his feet, stepping only slightly closer. "Last week, the place may have been different, some of the circumstances may have been different, but the people certainly weren't different." He paused, looking away, eyes locking on something in her living room. "I can't change who I am and I doubt, if you really looked at it, you'd want me to. I can't promise you that you won't end up on the front cover of a tabloid or two because I don't have that kind of control. I can't give you promises and guarantees, Kate, because I don't know if I'll be right."

"I need promises and guarantees," she said softly.

His eyes came back, locking on hers and making her catch her breath. There was a distinct resignation there that cracked at the walls she'd erected around her heart to get through this conversation in one piece. "There's nothing I can say that will make you believe that you're not just a conquest. There's nothing I can say that will alleviate all of your fears. I'm not a miracle worker, I'm just Rick Castle."

Kate froze.

_I'm just Rick Castle_.

She'd spoken similar words to Lanie not six hours ago with the same despondence, the same sense of realization that she would never be good enough to fit into his lifestyle. She would never be the trophy bride, she would never be an airheaded bimbo. She was everything the girls he'd always picked weren't. Yet here her was, that same man, saying essentially the same thing to her, as if he couldn't be what she wanted.

But he was _everything_ she wanted. He was playful, but he was sweet. He did everything with the air of indifference and disregard, but when it came down to it, he had a noble heart, and Kate knew that. He was a little misguided, he had a strange way of showing he cared sometimes, but he did. He cared a lot, and he cared deeply. She'd seen all that in California and he was right. Just because they weren't in California, just because some of their circumstances were different, didn't mean that _they_ were different. It didn't mean that his sincerity, his honesty, were any less real now than they'd been a few days ago.

She cursed herself as tears just flooded her vision. "You're not just Rick Castle," she told him, almost choking.

He looked at her strangely.

"You're not just Rick Castle," she repeated, meeting his gaze. "You're the man who plays laser tag with his daughter instead of going out to the party scene. You're the man who finds me at the precinct at a stupid hour of the morning when neither of us can sleep because of the case. You're the man who brought too much takeout food to the precinct after I shot Coonan because he felt guilty for killing the only lead."

She swallowed thickly before continuing. "You're the man who steps up to the plate for me, who took me on a trip because you know how lost I can get in my work. You're the man who plays the cavalier playboy to the world, but eats ice cream sundaes. You're the man who pretends he went to the park with his daughter to pick up single mothers when he went because it was the most precious time to him in the world. You're the man who recognizes when he made true mistake and apologizes, not to save his own ass or career, because it means something to him."

His gaze was utterly stunned.

She took a chance, taking a step closer, only slightly surprised when the turmoil started to settle within her as she moved. "You're the man who recognizes when I've had a bad day, who noticed within months of working together exactly what my breakfast food was. You're the man who wanted to know about the stories behind my scars because you wanted to know more about me." She sucked in air. "And you're the man who made an almost impossible connection to my mother's case, who would do _anything_ for me if I so much as asked it. There's nothing 'just' about that."

Rick swallowed thickly, looking down at her as she came to stand only inches from him. "It sounds like you know me pretty well."

"I'm a detective," Kate quipped with a shaky smile, her eyes still locked on his, open, vulnerable. "I'm supposed to notice these things."

He leaned closer his voice a murmur as he said, "I like that you know those things."

"I like knowing those things," she admitted in a whisper.

Rick's lips brushed against her softly once and it was enough for both of them to catch their breath. The second time they came together fluidly, his arms wrapping around her, hauling her against him. Her arms came up to his neck, using them to support some of her weight as she kissed him with flurried passion.

She'd actually missed this, she'd missed him, terribly.

One of his hands slid up her back, stopping between her shoulder blades, then up into her hair. Her tongue delved into his mouth, coaxing his out as she tried to push herself closer to him. They kissed feverishly for a few more minutes before slowing. He rested his forehead against hers as they tried to catch their breath. Her eyes slid open slowly, locking on his, allowing them to clear of the doubts that would inevitably come later. They weren't banished, and she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they would fight about them all later, but right now, she had all of the incentive in the world to try.

"So about that dinner…"


	17. Chapter 17

_ _Young Alexis Castle wasn't the only one presented to the upper crust of New York society at last night's International Debutante's Ball. Her father, famous author Richard Castle, brought with him Detective Kate Beckett, the well-known inspiration behind his latest string of best sellers. The real-life Nikki Heat seemed perfectly at home with the Castle family and even posed with both Castles and Martha Rogers, the Castle matriarch. Though they declined to comment, Paula Haas, agent for the writer, confirmed in a phone call that the two have been dating for almost six months. It seems like the picture of the two canoodling in LAX all those months ago is true after all!_ _

Kate sighed softly as she picked up her cup of coffee from the breakfast bar of Rick's loft. The rest of the house was silent, a lazy Saturday morning after a late night, but Kate had never been one to sleep in. Not in the true sense of the phrase. She had pulled herself out of bed at eight instead of her usual seven, but it meant that now, at ten AM, with no one around, she'd made it the whole way through the paper. Usually, she avoided the society pages, but not only had she run out of paper to read, but she was looking for a picture of Alexis at the previous night's ball. Her eyes had naturally been drawn to the article attached.

Honestly, she was still torn about the publicity. She'd known that the press would be at the ball last night, because it was such a big deal for people who spent their lives spread on Page Six. She'd gone in with open eyes, but it was still extremely disconcerting to think that people wanted to know so much about her and her life with Rick. They had their own lives, their own romances. What on earth was so incredibly special about her?

"Good morning, Sweetheart."

Kate smiled, setting down the paper as his arms slid around her waist, his shoulders pressing against hers. His hands splayed across her stomach and she dropped one to tangle with his as she leaned into him.

"Good morning," she murmured. "I figured you'd sleep for another couple of hours."

"The bed was too cold without you," he replied pressing a kiss to her hair. "Fresh coffee?"

She hummed the affirmative and he kissed her head again before wandering towards the coffee maker. She watched him pad around the kitchen, affection in her gaze. Rick came back to the breakfast bar, setting his coffee mug beside her as he leaned over the surface.

"Anyone die?"

She chuckled softly as she almost always did at his Rick Castle way of asking if she'd read anything interesting in the news. "We have our first public family portrait," she answered, turning the paper to face him.

Rick looked down at the paper, a fond smile flitting over his face. His fingers slid down the edge of a picture of Alexis, looking so much older than her seventeen years before coming to rest on the corner of the 'family portrait'. "We should frame it." Then he looked up at her, his question obvious as his eyebrow went up.

"I'm okay," she said quietly. "It's a picture at an event, not following me grocery shopping."

"But," he prompted.

Kate's lips turned up at the corners. "It's still surreal." _It still makes me uncomfortable_. She didn't have to say the last part.

Rick came around the bar, his hand sliding down her arm in concern. "But you're okay?"

She chuckled slightly. Things were different now than they'd been after California. Any 'dates' in the last six months had been casual, low-key. Their fancy nights had been dine-ins, sometimes takeout, sometimes home-cooked. Kate was much more secure in the relationship now that she had been before. It wasn't as new and shiny as it had been when the media vultures had gotten their hands on the LAX kiss.

She reached out for Rick's hand, tugging him closer. Her head tilted back in invitation. "We're okay," she answered, just before their lips met. "I'm terrified, I'm afraid our nice quiet life is about to be completely upended, but we're okay."

He smiled at her, eyes soft as he kissed her again, tasting the coffee lingering on her tongue. "Does this mean I can take you out to an obscenely expensive restaurant now?" he murmured against her mouth.

Kate wrinkled her nose slightly. "They always have tiny portions. I'm a cop, not a butterfly."

He laughed heartily, pressing a kiss to her temple. His Kate wasn't one for expensive things most of the time. She had her vices, just like every woman did, but expensive restaurants most certainly wasn't one of them. He was kind of thankful and relieved that she hadn't immediately agreed on it. As much as he wanted to show her off to the rest of the world, to brag that a woman as magnificent as Katherine Beckett wanted him, he enjoyed having her all to himself. For the first time, he preferred his relationship without the added pressure of the press watching. He shook his head slightly.

"What?" she asked, running her fingers through the hair at his temple.

"You've mellowed me, Detective."

"Ugh, do you two have to be this sweet so early in the morning?" Alexis grumbled as she padded sleepily into the kitchen.

"It's ten, Alexis," Kate replied as she wrapped the redhead in a good morning hug. It had become their ritual since Kate had started spending the night.

"But I just woke up," Alexis reasoned, letting go of Kate to hug her father. "It's still early morning after a late night."

Rick chuckled as he kissed the top of his daughter's head. "Good morning, Sweetie."

"Morning Dad." She pulled back. "Can we go to Sarabeth's and have brunch?"

He looked to Kate who smiled her approval. Then he looked down at Alexis. "Half an hour?"

His daughter's head cocked to the side slightly as she mentally filed through the things she needed to do. "Better make it forty-five minutes. I told Ashley I'd call her this morning, recount my night." There was a pause. "Plus, I know how long you take to get pretty, Dad."

Kate bit her cheek against her laughter as Rick sputtered. Alexis laughed as she skipped up the stairs. The detective shook her head, then downed the rest of her coffee. She reached out for Rick's hand.

Her smile was coy, secretive, as she made sure to tug him close enough to rub her body against his "Come on, Big Rick," she said, voice low and persuasive, eyes dark. "I'll even let you wash my back."

Rick followed her eagerly.


End file.
